IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important thing. Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both the view and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

People hold different views about whether building a successful
career
Use synonyms
 should take priority over spending
time
Use synonyms
 with
famliy
Correct your spelling
family
 and friends.
While
Linking Words
 both perspectives have merit,
Ibelieve
Correct your spelling
I believe
 that
maintaning
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 strong personal
relationships
Use synonyms
 is ultimately more important for long-term well-being. On one hand, many argue that investing
time
Use synonyms
 in
career
Use synonyms
 development is essential. In an increasingly competitive job market, individuals often feel pressure to work long hours, gain new qualifications, and build a strong professional reputation. A successful
career
Use synonyms
 can provide financial security, social status, and
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of personal achievement.
For example
Linking Words
, professionals in fields
such
Linking Words
 as medicine or engineering often dedicate years to training and continuous development, which can lead to stable, well-paid positions. Supporters of
this
Linking Words
 view
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that without a solid
career
Use synonyms
 foundation, it becomes difficult to support a family or enjoy a comfortable lifestyle.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, spending
time
Use synonyms
 with family and friends
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a crucial role in emotional health and
life
Use synonyms
 satisfaction. Strong
relationships
Use synonyms
 provide support during difficult times, reduce stress, and contribute to a sense of belonging. Research consistently shows that people with close social
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 tend to be happier and live longer. For
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 instance, many individuals who focus solely on their
career
Use synonyms
 later report feelings of loneliness or regret, especially if they have missed important family milestones.
Moreover
Linking Words
, personal
relationships
Use synonyms
 cannot always be rebuilt once neglected,
whereas
Linking Words
career
Use synonyms
 opportunities may arise multiple
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 throughout
life
Use synonyms
. In my view,
although
Linking Words
career
Use synonyms
 success is important, it should not come at the expense of meaningful
relationships
Use synonyms
. A
balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
 approach is essential. A fulfilling
career
Use synonyms
 can enhance one's
life
Use synonyms
, but the presence of loved ones
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gives
life
Use synonyms
 deeper purpose and emotional richness.

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task response
Task response: You answer the question and state your view, but ideas are not fully deep. Add more detail about how work life and time with family affect real life, and give one clear example for each main point.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: The flow is okay, but some sentences are long or have errors. Use simple connectors to link ideas and keep one idea per paragraph. Check subject-verb form and spelling to help clarity.
content
Clear view is stated and kept through the essay
structure
Use of compare/contrast structure (two sides)
evidence
Examples about career and life studies are present
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career
  • family
  • friends
  • time
  • work
  • life
  • job
  • money
  • happy
  • sad
  • plan
  • balance
  • choice
  • view
  • opinion
  • reason
  • example
  • learn
  • growth
  • skill
  • success
  • goal
  • support
  • stress
  • health
  • together
  • relax
  • enjoy
  • limit
  • schedule
  • boundary
  • future
  • care
  • value
What to do next:
Look at other essays: