IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays, in many families, the couple need to work
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they
opted
Wrong verb form
opt
show examples
 to hire a person who
look
Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
show examples
 after their
children
Use synonyms
. Many
indiviudals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 state that
this
Linking Words
 is not beneficial for the whole family, and I
am
Verb problem
apply
show examples
totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because there is no bonding connection between
children
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 many of these
kids
Use synonyms
lacked of
Wrong verb form
lack
show examples
 good
maners
Correct your spelling
manners
. One of the reasons
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 not
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
idea
Use synonyms
 to hire a person who
look
Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
show examples
 after
children
Use synonyms
 is that these
kids
Use synonyms
 have no bonding connection with their
parents
Use synonyms
, so they do not feel
each
Change preposition
for each
show examples
 other.
Firstable
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, having no
time
Use synonyms
 to speak and interact
Use synonyms
parents
Change preposition
with parents
show examples
 and
children
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 one cause of not having a desire to interact with their family.
Also
Linking Words
, many of these
children
Use synonyms
 rarely have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dinner with their father or mother, so they
grew
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 up feeling lost in society.
For instance
Linking Words
, many young boys avoid
to spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 with their family because they feel
acquared
Correct your spelling
awkward
 sharing
time
Use synonyms
 with people who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their age. Another reason why
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 not a good
idea
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
to have
show examples
 a maid at home looking after
children
Use synonyms
 is that
kids
Use synonyms
 are not being
eduacted
Correct your spelling
educated
 by the employee, so these
children
Use synonyms
 have no good manners at all. More importantly, these
children
Use synonyms
 have no
limited
Replace the word
limit
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to
use
Verb problem
can use
show examples
 electrical devices, so many of them became
addictive
Correct word choice
addicted
show examples
 to
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 video games.
As a result
Linking Words
, they have no
idea
Use synonyms
 about respecting themselves or other people, they just demand
wharever
Correct your spelling
whatever
 they want. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, many
children
Use synonyms
 disrespect their
parents
Use synonyms
 because they do not see them as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 to thank them.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I totally agree that it is not a great
idea
Use synonyms
 to hire a person who
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 care
after
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
 because these
kids
Use synonyms
 have no emotional connection with their family members, and they lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
good manners to respect themselves or society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make a short intro that says your view and what you will talk about.
content
Give two or three main ideas and add one real example for each.
language
Check word order and fix spelling and grammar so your text is clear.
content
Your view is clear.
structure
You give reason for your view.
content
You stay on the topic much of the time.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: