IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays, numerous
parents
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 hire someone to take care of their
children
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 since they have to work. Some argue that
this
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 trend is not good for either kids or their
parents
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I do not agree with
this
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 trend. On the one hand, many families are in need of a nanny to look after their
children
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 for various reasons.
Firstly
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, flexibility: most carers adapt very quickly to the
parents
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' schedule;
this
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 act can provide more flexibility for
parents
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 to not rush.
Secondly
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,
instead
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 of putting the child in a nursery, where there are several kids
along with
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 their kid,
parents
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 can hire someone who can focus on their child alone without getting busy with other
children
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.
Thirdly
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, nannies can perform as a friend
instead
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 of a worker
while
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 playing with the kid and
also
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 educate him.
On the other hand
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, sometimes spending so much time with their nannies rather than their
parents
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 can cause problems for both kids and the
parents
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.
Children
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 may form a stronger bond with their carer, even stronger than bonding with their
parents
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, which may result in attachment issues, and
children
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 may start to distance themselves from their
parents
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 from an early age.
In addition
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 to that, unlike daycare,
children
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 are always surrounded by their nanny, which may cause them to not develop social skills and miss the opportunities,
for example
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, meeting new
children
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, playing with them and forming new friendships.
To conclude
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,
although
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 nannies play a crucial role in taking care of
children
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 whenever
parents
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 are busy,
children
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 may start to distance themselves and forget how to communicate with others.
Therefore
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, I believe that
instead
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 of hiring a nanny,
parents
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 can ask close relatives to take care of their
children
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,
for instance
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, their grandparents.

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content
Keep a single view on the issue and stick to it through the essay.
structure
Use clear topic lines and each idea in its own paragraph.
content
Give a real example or detail to back each idea.
structure
End with a strong line that matches your start.
language
Use simple words and check small mistakes in grammar.
content
The writer shows a clear view against this trend.
structure
There is good use of sign words (First, Second, Third).
coherence
Paragraphs group ideas well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ Ā»- a book that's free for šŸš€ Premium users.

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