IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Gender
Correct article usage
The gender
show examples
 gap is still a question of debate nowadays. In some
fields
Add a comma
fields,
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 women are still under-represented
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
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 could be related to different
access
Use synonyms
 to educational opportunities.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 some people believe that an equal number of both sexes has to be guaranteed by the
Universities
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with the fact that equal opportunities have to be shared by
males
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 and
females
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, beginning from their education.
Nevertheless
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, in my opinion,
this
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 should not be only a question of numbers.
Universities
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 should guarantee an equal number of accesses in every subject to
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
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 in order to avoid that some jobs are more often
relaed
Correct your spelling
related
 to a single gender.
This
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 could lead to a gender gap. For
istance
Correct your spelling
instance
, nowadays surgeons are still more often
males
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it could be partially related to a lower
access
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 of
Use synonyms
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
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 doctors to surgical residencies.
This
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 issue should be avoided by
Universities
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 in case of an equal number of both sexes in every
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
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, in order to
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 pair
opportunitunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their future work.
On the other hand
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, in my opinion, each individual
shoudn't
Correct your spelling
shouldn't
 be selected on the basis of his/her sex
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such
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, such
show examples
 as age, race or other features that in my opinion may be
someway
Use the right word
somehow
show examples
 the cause of disparities.
In other
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words
Add a comma
words,
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 equal
access
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 in every subject during University could be a limit, not only an opportunity
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
access
Use synonyms
 for both genders.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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Universities
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 should guarantee
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 educational opportunities to
males
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
females
Punctuation problem
females,
show examples
 not only in terms of numbers but
also
Linking Words
 during the professional development of each individual.

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clarity
Make your answer clear. Decide if you agree or disagree and keep that view through the essay.
development
Add more strong examples to back up your point about equal access.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar; use simple, correct sentences.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas (for example, also, however, first).
content
The essay shows a clear aim: equal chances in study
structure
There is a plan of ideas with different paragraphs
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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