IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Obesity is one of the concerning health risks growing all around the world. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that we can overcome the issue by increasing the price of fattening. I do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 ideology and will
further
Linking Words
 discuss the reasons in
this
Linking Words
 essay. In today’s
time
Use synonyms
, most of the
food
Use synonyms
 we
consumed
Wrong verb form
consume
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 highly processed and consuming it over
time
Use synonyms
 makes
people
Use synonyms
 overweight.
People
Use synonyms
’s lifestyle has changed a lot compared to the older
generation
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 most of our older
generation
Use synonyms
 grew up doing hard work in their daily life, many of the recent
generation
Use synonyms
 have the advantages of different types of facilities, which make their life easier. Unless
people
Use synonyms
 become mindful of what they are eating and are more serious towards physical exercise, they will continue gaining weight. Most of the younger
generation
Use synonyms
 is working in the corporate environment, where they work longer hours, and that gives them little to no
time
Use synonyms
 for their personal activities. They tend to spend less
time
Use synonyms
 doing physical activities, which ultimately results in them gaining weight.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the prices for the healthy
food
Use synonyms
 ingredients are comparatively expensive to that of the fast
food
Use synonyms
 or ready-to-eat stuff at the supermarket. Sure, one can increase the price of these
food
Use synonyms
 products, preventing the consumers from buying them, but the convenience they provide cannot be beaten by any other
food
Use synonyms
 ingredients. In conclusion, only increasing the prices of fattening
food
Use synonyms
 will not solve the problem of obesity
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
people
Use synonyms
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to be motivated to live a healthier life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be clear about your main view in the first line and keep a strong line of reasoning.
content
Plan one idea per paragraph and back it with simple detail or example.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas connect, but keep them simple and natural.
grammar
Check grammar and word use, especially subject-verb in simple present.
structure
End with a short summary that repeats your view.
idea
You state a clear view (you disagree).
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
content
Some good points about lifestyle and cost.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: