IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The natural resources such as oil, forest, and freshwater are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems?

Natural
resources
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 like
oil
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,
forests
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, and freshwater are being used very quickly all around the world. These
resources
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 are very important for our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and for the economy.
However
Linking Words
,
people
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 are not using them carefully. If we continue like
this
Linking Words
, it will
cause
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 many serious
problems
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 in the future. One big problem of using too much
oil
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 is climate change. When we burn
oil
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 and other fossil fuels, they release carbon dioxide into the air.
This
Linking Words
 makes the Earth hotter. Because of
this
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, we can see extreme weather, melting ice, and rising sea levels. Some coastal cities are already in danger because of rising
water
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.
Also
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,
oil
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 is not renewable, so once we finish it, we cannot easily get more.
This
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 may
cause
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 an energy crisis in the future. Cutting down
forests
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 is another serious problem. Many
forests
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 are removed for farming, building houses, and factories. But
forests
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 are very important because they absorb carbon dioxide and give homes to many animals. When
forests
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 are destroyed, animals lose their habitats
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 some species even become extinct. It
also
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 affects
people
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 who live near
forests
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 and depend on them.
In addition
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, too much cutting of trees can
cause
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 soil erosion and floods.
This
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 is happening in many countries
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is becoming worse every year. Freshwater is
also
Linking Words
 being overused. Even though Earth has a lot of
water
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, only a small amount is clean and safe to drink. Farmers, industries, and normal households use a lot of
water
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 every day. In some places,
people
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 must walk very far to find clean
water
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.
This
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 can
cause
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 health
problems
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 and create inequality between rich and poor communities. If we do not control
water
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 usage, the situation will become more serious. There are some solutions to these
problems
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.
First,
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governments should invest more money in renewable energy
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 solar and wind power.
This
Linking Words
 will reduce our need for
oil
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.
Second,
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strict laws should be made to stop too much deforestation and support planting more trees. Reforestation can help protect the environment.
Finally
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,
people
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 should use
water
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 carefully,
such
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 as
fixing
Change preposition
by fixing
show examples
 leaking pipes and not wasting
water
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 at home. Small actions can make a big difference, even if
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
seems not
Verb problem
don't seem like
show examples
 enough at first. In conclusion, using natural
resources
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 too quickly causes many environmental and social
problems
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. If we do not change our habits now, future generations will face serious difficulties. It is our responsibility to protect these
resources
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 before it
becomes
Verb problem
is
show examples
 too late.

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coherence
Use more strong link words to join ideas, so the essay flows better.
content
Give more clear examples for each point.
grammar
Watch small grammar errors, especially verb forms.
structure
Try to add a short plan at the start and a clear restatement at the end.
structure
Clear plan with ideas on oil, forests and water.
conclusion
Good end with a call to action.
coherence
Uses like and 'First' 'Second' to show steps.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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