IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowsaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, obesity
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 common issue that arises around the world
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 several governments add on
price
Use synonyms
for
Check wording
surcharge for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
. I agree that the fat tax could make
people
Use synonyms
 more concerned about
obesity
Punctuation problem
obesity,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to lower consumption of fattening
food
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
price
Use synonyms
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
 is
cheaper
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 than
the
Correct article usage
that
show examples
healthy
Change preposition
of healthy
show examples
 meals. Healthy foods and
health-concious
Correct your spelling
health-conscious
 restaurants offer
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
expensive
Correct word choice
high
show examples
price
Use synonyms
 with the appropriate portion for one
meal
Punctuation problem
meal,
show examples
 that less
amount
Check wording
apply
show examples
than the regular meal that always
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 value portion.
For example
Linking Words
, rice with fried chicken or
hotdogs
Use the right word
hot dogs
show examples
 is a few dollars
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 the big bowls of
sald
Correct your spelling
salad
 with chicken breast
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 over ten dollars
usd
Use the right word
USD
show examples
.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 if the
price
Use synonyms
 is
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same
level
Punctuation problem
level,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 would
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
prefer to buy the
food
Use synonyms
 that
better
Verb problem
is better
show examples
 for
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
show examples
alternatives
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the more
price
Use synonyms
 added
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 more concerned
people
Use synonyms
 feel. Since the cost of living is always considered by
people
Use synonyms
, the higher
price
Use synonyms
 of
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 could force
people
Use synonyms
 to choose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cheaper meals
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
was
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 healthy or not.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 4-5 members in family, they did not care about the nutrients but
the valued
Correct word order
valued the
show examples
sized
Replace the word
size
show examples
 of the products that they could buy to feed all members in the family. In summary, the higher
price
Use synonyms
 of the
high fat
Use the right word
high-fat
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 could productively encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to buy the better choice of foods since they will be more
concious
Correct your spelling
conscious
 and influence the
price
Use synonyms
-sensitive groups.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the fatten tax is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reasonable solution to solve the overweight problem.

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task response
State a clear opening that shows your view, then add 2-3 real reasons.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with small words like and, but, so, also, then to make the flow smooth.
grammar
Give one good example for each idea and check spelling and grammar.
task response
You show a clear view and finish with a short summary.
coherence cohesion
You use simple order in places (Firstly, Secondly, In summary).
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
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