IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Few individuals believe that the effective method for reducing crime is to provide the
victims’
Check wording
victims
show examples
 with longer
duration
Fix the agreement mistake
durations
show examples
 in prison.
While
Linking Words
 others condemn that there are various other methods to reduce it. In my opinion, combining both when required is the key
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives. To commence, longer prison sentences for criminals
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to enhance the safety of the public.
This
Linking Words
 is because
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the duration increases in a jail
can
Check wording
sentence can
show examples
 significantly reduce the tendency to commit more
crimes
Use synonyms
. On top of that,
this
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 beneficial to keep criminals who
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 committed very offensive
crimes
Use synonyms
 out of the general public.
As a result
Linking Words
, not only
people can
Correct word order
can people
show examples
 walk around freely
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
Linking Words
also it will
Correct word order
it will also
show examples
 act as a warning sign for others
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not to commit any
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
 in the future.
However
Linking Words
, critics argue that it is important to address the basic causes before extending longer periods of
punishments
Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
show examples
 in prison
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as education and
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
show examples
 of an individual. It is important to create awareness regarding what should not be done, how to
leave
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 a better social life and if required
rehabilitation
Punctuation problem
, rehabilitation
show examples
 can be arranged for people who suffer from various life issues, like drugs,
mental-illness
Use the right word
mental illness
show examples
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
. In my opinion, it is important to balance
this
Linking Words
 model and form
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decision. If longer sentences are given
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 severe
Use synonyms
crimes
Punctuation problem
crimes,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it can help people to commit
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 or nearly none of them. Additional works
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
education
Punctuation problem
education,
show examples
 made in the background will definitely help individuals not to move ahead to commit a crime.
To conclude
Linking Words
, longer sentences alone cannot make a difference.
Whereas
Linking Words
 combining it for severe
crimes
Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
 awareness, education and rehabilitation can bring a huge impact
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 my opinion.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Open with a clear view on the topic and keep it in every paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that relates to your view.
vocabulary
Use simple, direct phrases and avoid long, complicated words.
content
Provide real concrete examples or data to back your points.
grammar
Check grammar and sentence form, especially avoid unclear pronouns and awkward phrasing.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides and states a view.
structure
There is an attempt to structure into introduction, body and conclusion.
coherence
Some linking words connect ideas across paragraphs.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • incapacitating
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • underlying issues
  • desperation
  • community service
  • mental health support
  • reintegration
  • prevention
  • offenders
  • punitive measures
  • support systems
What to do next:
Look at other essays: