IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts compare the average amount of money family spent in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.

The pie charts give information about the average amount of money
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 spent in
Japan
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 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, at the beginning of the period, Housing in
Japan
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 accounted for the highest proportion,
whereas
Linking Words
 Food contributed the least. By the end of the period, Other goods and services emerged as the dominant
sector
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 in
Malaysia
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,
while
Linking Words
 Food recorded the lowest share. As the charts
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
, in
Japan
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 the Transport
sector
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 stood at 20%,
while
Linking Words
dropped
Wrong verb form
dropping
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 slowly
at
Change preposition
to
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 10% in
Malaysia
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.
However
Linking Words
, the
Health care
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healthcare
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 increased slightly, which was 24% in
Japaan
Correct your spelling
Japan
 and 27% in
Malaysia
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, the second highest
sector
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 in both countries.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, The Housing
sector
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 began at 29% in
Japan
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, the highest
sector
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, and declined gradually to 26% in
Malasia
Correct your spelling
Malaysia
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the Food
accounted
Check wording
sector accounted
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 for 6% in
Japan
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 and decreased
moderatly
Correct your spelling
moderately
 to 3%, which was the lowest
sector
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 in both countries.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the Other goods and services commenced at 34% in
Malaysia
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, which was the highest
sector
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at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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