IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

which contains arguments for Physical Education in schools.

There are many arguments for the inclusion of Physical Education in the school curricula.
Firstly
Linking Words
, children nowadays spend too much of their time playing video games
such
Linking Words
 as 'Call of Duty' and 'Minecraft' on their computers or mobile phones.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to a sedentary lifestyle and obesity.
Girls
Punctuation problem
Girls,
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especially
Punctuation problem
especially,
show examples
 do not get enough exercise; they would prefer to go shopping on the Internet.
Also
Linking Words
, some children aren't academically-minded and should be given opportunities to explore other avenues to find out what they want to do in life and if they want to become basketball players, not accountants. Urban development means that children might get run over by a car if they go to play outside in a big city.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a study written by a professor
in
Change preposition
at
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 a university in the USA said that physical exercise can improve academic performance.

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structure
Plan your essay. Add a short intro and a short ending.
support
For each point, give a clear reason and a small fact or example.
tone
Be fair to all groups and avoid biased views about girls or any group.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like first, next, also, but, however.
evidence
If you name a study, say where it comes from or what it shows.
content
The topic is clear and you argue for PE.
style
You use plain and easy words.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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