IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

Using computers every day has become common among
children
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, especially with rapid technological advancements in the digital world.
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that regular engagement with computers enhances
children
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's analytical abilities and
decision making
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decision-making
show examples
 skills, others believe that excessive use of electronic gadgets
such
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 as tablets and mobile phones can have harmful effects on young minds. I strongly believe that the negative impacts outweigh the positive ones. In today’s
fast paced
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fast-paced
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 world, parents often have hectic schedules and limited time to spend with their
children
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.
As a result
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, many parents allow
children
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 to use modern digital devices so that their own work is not disrupted.
However
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,
this
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 practice gradually leads to addiction, which can significantly affect
children
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’s cognitive development.
For example
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, in Australia, certain social media applications have introduced
age based
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age-based
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 restrictions and time limit features to protect
children
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’s
well being
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well-being
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.
Similarly
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, many gaming platforms now enforce minimum and maximum playing hours to prevent overuse.
Moreover
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, excessive screen time leads to a noticeable decline in
children
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's participation in physical and extracurricular activities. Outdoor sports, arts, and drama are essential for enhancing physical strength, creativity, and confidence—skills that contribute to
overall
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 personality development and future opportunities. Unfortunately, prolonged computer usage often causes
children
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 to neglect these important activities. In response to these concerns, several educational institutions have introduced new initiatives and reforms aimed at promoting a balanced lifestyle among students. In conclusion, parents, teachers, and government educational authorities play a vital role in monitoring and regulating the overuse of digital platforms by
children
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. A balanced approach is necessary—one that encourages the use of technology for educational purposes
while
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also
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prioritizing
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prioritising
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 physical activity, creativity, and social engagement.

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coherence
Make each idea link to your view with clear links.
content
Add more strong examples to show impact of screen time.
structure
Tighten the intro and conclusion to show your view.
language
Keep sentences short and simple to help reader.
organization
One clear main idea in each paragraph.
stance
Clear view with a strong stance against daily computer use.
structure
Good start and end that frame the topic.
content
Good use of real life examples to back claims.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
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