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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that
music
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,
art
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, and
drama
Use synonyms
 are as important as other school
subjects
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, especially at the primary level. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because there are other significant reasons
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as developing
children’s
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 creativity and making learning more enjoyable. First of all, I believe that
music
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,
art
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, and
drama
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 play an important role in developing
children’s
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 creativity and emotional skills. In fact, these
subjects
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 allow children to express their feelings and ideas in different ways.
Although
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 academic
subjects
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such
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 as math and science are important, creative
subjects
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 help
students
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 become more confident and imaginative. A child who participates in artistic activities can improve communication skills and learn how to work with others.
Therefore
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, studying
music
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,
art
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, and
drama
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 strongly supports
children’s
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 personal development.
In addition
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, I believe that these
subjects
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 make learning more enjoyable and reduce stress among young
students
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. What I mean is that children at the primary level need a balanced education that includes both academic and creative activities.
Furthermore
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, when
students
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 enjoy their school experience, they become more motivated to learn.
For example
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, participating in
drama
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 can improve speaking abilities,
while
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music
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 can enhance memory and concentration.
As a result
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, including
music
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,
art
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, and
drama
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 in primary education helps children grow academically and emotionally. In conclusion, I believe that
music
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,
art
Use synonyms
, and
drama
Use synonyms
 are as important as other school
subjects
Use synonyms
 because they develop
children’s
Use synonyms
 creativity and emotional skills. They
also
Linking Words
 make learning more enjoyable and effective for young
students
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.

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task response
Make your view even clearer by stating it in one sentence in the first paragraph and again in the conclusion. Add one more fact from school life to back each idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use more link words to show how ideas are linked, for example also, besides, but, so. Put one main idea in each paragraph and keep the flow smooth.
content
The writer states a clear view and keeps it through the essay.
structure
The essay has a simple and clear structure: intro, body, and conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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