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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the only way to relax is rest or sleep, while others say people need to do exercise or sport to relax. Discuss both view points and give your own opinion.

In recent years, there has been a growing interest in the discussion of
relaxation
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.
People
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 can't clearly decide which approach to relaxing the human body and
mind
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 is better. In my opinion, doing sports is more efficient and necessary to relax and keep yourself healthy. Some
people
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 think that the quality of sleep and rest is more important for
relaxation
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 than anything else. The main reason is that the human brain has time for itself , and sleeping time is a moment for regeneration.
For example
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, in many hospitals and rehabilitation centres, it is a well-known fact that the human brain and even muscles start recovery processes faster than the
mind
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 is asleep.
As a result
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,
this
Linking Words
 group believes that even in everyday routine ,
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of rest is necessary for
relaxation
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. From another group perspective, sport
more
Correct word choice
has a greater
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 effect on
relaxation
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, because of the possibility of controlling stress levels. In many cases,
this
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 means that
people
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 who do sports or exercise have the ability to switch their focus from problems to training goals.
For instance
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, from my experience, when I come to the gym, my
mind
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 starts to think only of training strategy.
Then
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 , after training and
relaxation
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, I go back to the problem, and
usually
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usually,
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 solutions are more obvious.
Consequently
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, for many
people
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, sport is the only right way to relax and switch focus. In conclusion, both groups have arguments about the best way to relax.
However
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, I believe that sport is really necessary for the human body and
mind
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.

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task
Plan your essay before writing. State both views and your own opinion clearly in the end.
grammar
Use simple grammar and short sentences. Some phrases are awkward or wrong; fix them.
content
Add more real and clear examples to support each point.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like 'also', 'but', 'for example', 'in addition'.
position
Good job of showing both sides before giving your own view.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are present.
support
An example from the gym is used to show how sport can help relax.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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