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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007.

The line graph provides data about the
utilization
Change the spelling
utilisation
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 of three types of
Use synonyms
spread
Fix the agreement mistake
spreads
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 (
Margarine
Use synonyms
,
Low fat
Use the right word
Low-fat
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 & reduced spreads and
Butter
Use synonyms
) between 1981 and 2007. Units are measured in
Grams
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
 fall
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the quantity of both spreads
Use synonyms
Margarine
Punctuation problem
, Margarine
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 and
Butter
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
low fat
Use the right word
low-fat
show examples
 & reduced spreads saw a
considerble
Correct your spelling
considerable
 upward trend in the period. Another interesting point is that reduced spreads &
low
Correct word choice
low-fat
show examples
fat
Check wording
products
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 started lately.
However
Linking Words
, it surpassed others over the end of years. In 1981,
Butter
Use synonyms
 was the most popular
spread
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 and started at almost 141
Grams
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, followed by
Margarine
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 at just under 100
Grams
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.
Spread
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 of
Butter
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 rose sharply at 160 in the next five years,
then
Linking Words
 it declined dramatically till 2007
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 nearly 52
Grams
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
spread
Correct article usage
the spread
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 of
Margarine
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 went in
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 direction
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it decreased gradually till 1986
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 80
Grams
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
then
Fix capitalization
Then
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 the blue line grew quickly at 100 in 1991, and
then
Linking Words
 it
overtaken
Verb problem
was overtaken
show examples
Use synonyms
Butter
Change preposition
by Butter
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 it remained stable
unitl
Correct your spelling
until
 1996.
Linking Words
at
Fix capitalization
At
show examples
 the end of
Correct article usage
the period
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period
Add a comma
period,
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 the
Margarine
Use synonyms
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
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over
Change preposition
apply
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sharply and became the lowest in the period at 40
Grams
Use synonyms
 in 2007. Looking at the
Low fat
Use the right word
low-fat
show examples
 & reduced spreads, started in 1996 at around 7
Grams
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 it
rockted
Correct your spelling
rocketed
 at 80 in 2001, but went down again
at the end
Linking Words
 at around 72 in 2007.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words spread, margarine, butter, grams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • spreads
  • increased
  • decreased
  • stable
  • significantly
  • approximately
  • per capita
  • remarkable
  • peaked
  • experienced
  • started
  • remained
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