IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph and chart below give information on the average daily maximum and minimum temperature in degrees Celsius and the average number of days with rainfall each month for two Australian cities.

The line graph and bar chart illustrate the average daily maximum and minimum
temperatures
Use synonyms
 and the average number of rainy
days
Use synonyms
 per month in
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and
Canberra
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 experiences consistently higher
temperatures
Use synonyms
 than
Canberra
Use synonyms
 throughout the
year
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 both cities follow a similar seasonal pattern, with
temperatures
Use synonyms
 peaking in summer and dipping in winter. In terms of rainfall,
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 generally records more rainy
days
Use synonyms
, particularly at the beginning and end of the
year
Use synonyms
. Looking first at temperature,
Brisbane
Use synonyms
's average maximum begins at around 30
°C
Use synonyms
 in January, gradually declines to approximately 21
°C
Use synonyms
 in July, before rising again towards the end of the
year
Use synonyms
. Its minimum temperature shows a similar trend, falling from about 21
°C
Use synonyms
 to roughly 10
°C
Use synonyms
 mid-
year
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Canberra
Use synonyms
 is noticeably cooler, with maximum
temperatures
Use synonyms
 dropping from around 27
°C
Use synonyms
 in summer to nearly 11
°C
Use synonyms
 in winter,
while
Linking Words
 minimum
temperatures
Use synonyms
 fall sharply to around 0-1
°C
Use synonyms
 in July, indicating much colder winters. Regarding rainfall,
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 experiences the highest number of rainy
days
Use synonyms
 in February and March, at approximately 14
days
Use synonyms
 per month, after which
this
Linking Words
 figure steadily decreases to about 7
days
Use synonyms
 in September.
Canberra
Use synonyms
,
by comparison
Linking Words
, has a more stable pattern, fluctuating between 7 and 10 rainy
days
Use synonyms
, and slightly surpasses
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 during the middle months of the
year
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words temperatures, days, brisbane, canberra, year, °c with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average
  • maximum
  • minimum
  • temperature
  • degrees
  • rain
  • rainy
  • days
  • months
  • cities
  • Australia
  • warmer
  • cooler
  • hot
  • cold
  • higher
  • lower
  • more
  • less
  • than
  • pattern
  • trend
  • season
  • summer
  • winter
  • spring
  • change
  • different
  • rainfall
  • peak
  • rise
  • fall
  • steady
  • vary
  • across
  • month
  • city A
  • city B
  • overall
  • contrast
  • compare
  • however
  • although
  • in
  • of
  • the
  • and
  • for
  • with
What to do next:
Look at other essays: