The graphs below show the viewership of different TV programs among these different age groups

The bar chart provides a comparative analysis of the
number
Use synonyms
of
workers
Use synonyms
in various occupations —accountant, cook,
software
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engineer, and
computer
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programmer — who migrated to Australia in 2009, 2010, 2011, and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
of accountants dominated over the entire period,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
followed by cooks and
software
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engineers.
While
Linking Words
the reverse was true for
computer
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programmers. In detail, the highest
number
Use synonyms
was observed in accountants over the given four-year period. The
figure
Use synonyms
accounted for nearly 20.000
workers
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in 2009,
then
Linking Words
the
figure
Use synonyms
underwent
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
show examples
increase to about 27.000 employees by 2010
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
the highest share on the chart. In 2011, the
number
Use synonyms
of accountants experienced a sharp decline to approximately 22.000
workers
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,
then
Linking Words
the
figure
Use synonyms
dropped slightly by 2012.
By
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
the smallest
number
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was observed in
computer
Use synonyms
programmers, the
figure
Use synonyms
made up around 3.000 employees in 2009,
then
Linking Words
the
figure
Use synonyms
grew slightly in 2010,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
figure
Use synonyms
recovered its previous record.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
of
computer
Use synonyms
programmers reached its peak at roughly 5% in 2012. In terms of the cooks and
software
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engineers, the figures were recorded about 17.000 and 19.000
workers
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comparably
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
in 2009. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
of cooks underwent a slight decline to nearly 15.000
workers
Use synonyms
in 2010,
then
Linking Words
the
figure
Use synonyms
recovered roughly its previous
number
Use synonyms
in 2011. By 2012, the
figure
Use synonyms
dropped slightly to about 16.000. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
of
software
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engineers experienced a continual growth and reached approximately 20.000 in 2010 and around 22.000 in 2011. Afterwards, the
figure
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underwent a steady decrease to approximately 17.000
workers
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. Word count: 301 words Time: 30 minutes

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, workers, software, computer, figure with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 10 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 10 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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