IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of people are now using the internet to meet new people and socialise. Some people think this has brought people closer together while others think people are becoming more isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In our contemporary era, the
use
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has become increasingly significant for socialize or
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
show examples
 new
people
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some contend that the
internet
Use synonyms
 has played a crucial role in connecting
people
Use synonyms
 together, others argue that
people
Use synonyms
 have become more isolated. One important factor to consider about
internet
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 is its ability to bring
individuals
Use synonyms
 closer. By using network devices,
people
Use synonyms
 can easily make connections with new
individuals
Use synonyms
 from all over the world.
In addition
Linking Words
, students can have an opportunity to catch up with their colleagues, engage in conversations about school subjects and daily life.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these effortless types of connections can
also
Linking Words
 serve as an anchor to cultivate meaningful, long-lasting interactions with new
people
Use synonyms
, who may safeguard them in hard times,
influence
Correct word choice
and influence
show examples
 satisfactory living standards.
Moreover
Linking Words
, building
network
Correct article usage
a network
show examples
 of
individuals
Use synonyms
 can introduce
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 different ways of thinking, which may assist in their long-term growth. In terms of the second viewpoint, one undeniable downside of prolonged
use
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is isolation.
Hence
Linking Words
, social networks today pose a comprehensive impact on
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 well-being by letting them feel disconnected from their surrounding environment.
For instance
Linking Words
, a report that
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 conducted by a leading educational institution, school children who dedicate an extensive period
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their smartphones
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 have a percentage of 30% decrease in their interactions with their peers and families.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the effect of engrossment for a long
in
Check wording
time in
show examples
 social webs could be extended to undermine children's academic performances,
as well as
Linking Words
 lowering their attention spans. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
internet
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 can create a sense of isolation for some
individuals
Use synonyms
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 cannot be denied. I firmly believe that the social means of communication and
socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
show examples
 with new
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 essential for human well-being.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be clear in your view from the start. State your main idea in the first paragraph and stick to it in the rest of the essay. Use plain words and short lines.
coherence cohesion
Make each part of the essay fit a single idea. Use easy links like and, but, also, for example. Check that every point backs your view and the essay ends with a clear answer to the question.
structure
The essay has a real plan with an intro, body, and a final part.
coherence
Good use of some linking words to join ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: