IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

These days, older people who have retired often choose to spend money on themselves rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, parents who have stopped working prefer
save
Verb problem
to save
show examples
mony
Correct your spelling
money
 for
personal's
Check wording
personal
show examples
 needs
instead
Linking Words
 of spending it
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their families.
This
Linking Words
 can lead
to make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
children towards finds jobs rather than live their childhood.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
don't
Verb problem
not
show examples
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 money to family members can have a negative impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
locally and globally.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the number of young workers will increase if the father
don't
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
show examples
 offer
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them what they want. To
explaine
Correct your spelling
explain
 more, teenagers need to buy
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 many things based on changes in
lives
Correct pronoun usage
their lives
show examples
,
may
Correct pronoun usage
which may
show examples
 persuade them to discover
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to collect money.
However
Linking Words
, may
this
Linking Words
 affect study outcomes and put
thim
Correct your spelling
them
 in
difficult
Correct article usage
a difficult
show examples
 situation which can end up by finding there self felt.
As a result
Linking Words
, in the future they will not find
full time
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
 careers and
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
 will
infelunce
Correct your spelling
influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
childeren
Correct your spelling
children
 in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 stages need to
take
Wrong verb form
be taken
show examples
 care of
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
so they can grow up in the right way. But when the parenting is awful, the kids will suffer from mental health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 depression,
lonley
Correct your spelling
loneliness
 and
extremely
Replace the word
extreme
show examples
 stress. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, my father was
cruel
Correct article usage
a cruel
show examples
 man who
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 to be
independence
Replace the word
independent
show examples
. But he
don't
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
show examples
 consider emotions and
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
 that
this
Linking Words
 can
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
. In conclusion,
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 create the family should take the responsibility as much as possible. Members of
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 deserve
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 through which can make a productive individual in the future
Punctuation problem
, how
show examples
how
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 can
service
Replace the word
serve
show examples
 in
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
approach
Check wording
way
show examples
.

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task response
The essay does not fully answer the task. It needs a clear view and a strong main idea in the start. Keep one main point per paragraph and back it with a reason or example. Use a simple link to the idea of saving and helping family.
coherence
The flow of ideas is not smooth. Use a clear order: intro, 2-3 body points, then a short conclusion. Use simple links like 'first', 'also', 'for example', 'therefore'.
content
The writer has a clear point of view about the topic.
examples
There is some life example used to show ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement
  • financial independence
  • invest
  • prioritize
  • personal fulfillment
  • family dynamics
  • wellness
  • self-sufficiency
  • financial stability
  • quality of life
What to do next:
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