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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believethere are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Higher
education
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 has become very prevalent in today's generations as it
is
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apply
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undeniably plays a pivotal role in shaping a brighter future for humanity. Many argue that
university
Use synonyms
education
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 only focuses on producing graduates with good qualities to secure desirable occupations.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, some contend that
undergraduates
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undergraduate
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 studies provide vast opportunities and extensive benefits for both individuals and
community
Correct article usage
the community
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. In
this
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 essay, I will delineate the relevance of both approaches and highlight the paramount
of
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importance of
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 balance in these perspectives. On the one hand, it is worth noting that extended learning in educational institutions is purposefully designed and developed to provide
in depth
Use the right word
in-depth
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 knowledge of a particular subject area.
In other words
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, universities are the place where
the
Correct article usage
apply
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experts
of
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in
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 various fields can be produced and trained.
For instance
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, undergraduate studies for medical students are the most crucial part of becoming a doctor or specialist, which are compulsory for them to master,
thus
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 marking their eligibility
of treating
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to treat
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 a patient. Without the degree, it is nearly impossible for one to obtain enough knowledge and experience to perform any medical procedure.
Hence
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, it is quite clear that
university
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education
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 is one of the important
key
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keys
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 to securing jobs.
On the other hand
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, it is undeniable that the vast opportunities of participating in various extracurricular and
super curricular
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supercurricular
 programs organised by the
university
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 accumulate numerous advantages
to
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apply
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not only
students
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for students
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 but
also
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 surrounding society.
This
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 can be attributed to the fact that these initiatives cultivate positive habits of engaging with new things regularly in the
university
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 community. To illustrate,
student's
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students'
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 involvement with volunteering activities
at
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in
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 local areas can be the catalyst to sharpening their interpersonal skills
as well as
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 raising empathy and awareness,
whereas
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 the local society benefits from the togetherness in preserving the
environmentsss
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environment
.
In
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From
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 my perspective, educational
institute
Replace the word
institutions
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such
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 as
Use synonyms
university
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universities
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surges
Verb problem
encourage
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 people to be more flexible and highly
encourages
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage
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 self-development throughout
study
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the study
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 period.
Nevertheless
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,
academic
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academics
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is
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are
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 still the main priority and goal of all educational
institutions
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institutions,
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 where
structured
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a structured
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 learning curriculum has been designed thoroughly by experts from various backgrounds to ensure optimum understanding and knowledge in any particular field.
To conclude
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,
education
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 significantly benefits the learner, even
so
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so,
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 the teacher in any way possible
as
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, as
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 it is indeed a universal requirement for everyone and the key to success.

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task response
Task response: The essay talks about both views and gives a clear opinion, but the intro and conclusion are weak and some ideas are not well linked. Make a clear thesis in the first paragraph and a definite conclusion that repeats your view.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: There are some linking words, but the flow is not smooth. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and signpost words to show the order of ideas. Keep sentences short and easy.
content balance
The essay attempts to cover both sides and give the writer's view.
examples
Examples like medical study and volunteering are used to support points.
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