IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries achieve international success by building specialised facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Is it a positive or negative development?

Constructing sports
facilities
Use synonyms
 exclusive
for
Change preposition
to
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 top athletes to achieve global sporting acclaim is a common practice in some nations. They do so
instead
Linking Words
 of building
facilities
Use synonyms
 for the general public.
Although
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this
Linking Words
 trend has some positive effects, I believe that,
overall
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, it is a negative development. The positive effects of constructing sports amenities exclusive to top sportspeople are mostly related to sporting
success
Use synonyms
. By bringing in top-notch coaches, equipping the
facilities
Use synonyms
 with the latest technology aimed at helping
atheletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
 to push a little
harder
Punctuation problem
harder,
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 can be a
differnece
Correct your spelling
difference
 between
success
Use synonyms
 and failure. In fact, countries like Uzbekistan have achieved immense sporting
success
Use synonyms
 by just doing that, and
this
Linking Words
 country's latest Olympics performance, in which it got the 13th place among all the
countrie
Correct your spelling
countries
, is a testament to the fact
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such
Correct word choice
that such
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 investment pays off, with the government reporting a whopping amount of investments in sporting projects that only serve Olympians.
However
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,
this
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 sporting
success
Use synonyms
, I argue,
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not translate into tangible improvements in the lives of ordinary people.
On the contrary
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, it usually causes unrest and disrupts social cohesion.
This
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 is because these
facilties
Correct your spelling
facilities
 are built with the
taxpayer
Check wording
taxpayer's
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 money but serve only a minority of people, upsetting most of the populace. Another adverse aspect of
exculsivity
Correct your spelling
exclusivity
 afforded to top
atheletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
 is the potential health decline of the public. Given that
such
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 projects often come with hefty bills, the number of sports
facilities
Use synonyms
 for the public might not be built, and the direct effect is limited access to exercise, which could, in the long run, affect public health negatively. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some countries do enjoy unprecedented sporting acclaim
as a result
Linking Words
 of
such
Linking Words
facilities
Use synonyms
, it is
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 the most part, a negative trend because the general public suffers
as a result
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 of
such
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 projects.

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planning
Plan your essay. Have a clear intro, two sides or ideas, and a short end.
grammar
Use short, simple sentences and check spelling and word choice.
coherence
Use linking words to show views, contrast, and result, like but, however, so, also.
task response
You show a clear view and a closing idea.
coherence
You use some good link words to move ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • international success
  • specialized facilities
  • top athletes
  • sports facilities
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • excellence in sports
  • lack of access
  • general public
  • international sports events
  • unequal distribution
  • resources
  • inspire
  • motivate
  • aspiring athletes
  • neglecting
  • areas of development
  • contribute to
  • economy
  • excessive focus
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