IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The advancement of
technology
Use synonyms
 is keeping its growth.
Besides
Linking Words
 the great benefit to all human beings
in
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apply
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worldwide, it carries adverse impacts which seem to threaten the population because of the publicity of
information
Use synonyms
 without limitations. In my opinion, I disagree with the argument, because various modern technologies' benefits outweigh the drawbacks. I believe that there are some ways to protect society's personal statistics if
that is
Linking Words
 the main concern.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the biggest advantage that affects
mostly
Use the right word
most
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folks
Check wording
people
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 is the easier way of delivering a message today. Someone does not have to mobilise or move to other places to deliver news or messages. The easiest found example is through electronic mail, or known as e-mail,
helps
Correct pronoun usage
which helps
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 an individual spread messages to any place, even the furthest side of the world
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 just one click. With the support of internet utilisation, news can
also
Linking Words
 be easily found and shared on a website.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a state-of-the-art
technology
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 is helping populations to communicate with each other. By having mobile phones and the internet, satellites
where
Rephrase
apply
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located in space
,
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apply
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 help connect citizens in
this
Linking Words
 world. A virtual face-to-face conversation can be easily accessed from a video call. Today, distance is not part of the boundaries that set the limits of communication to vanish. The rapidness and uncontrolled access of
information
Use synonyms
 exchange are a few of
recent
Correct article usage
the recent
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 challenges which led to multiple negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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in
Change preposition
on
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technology
Use synonyms
 development. Personal
information
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 is easily found on the internet
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
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 it is
also
Linking Words
 multiplied by social media in sharing daily activities through media of images and videos.
This
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 can be beneficial for parties that can utilise
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
datas
Correct your spelling
data
 in a black market or simply for targeting a scam. Despite these disadvantages,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can be mitigated by the awareness of each individual as a user. Tech-users should be more careful in selecting what to share and whom to share
.
Change preposition
with.
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 In
this
Linking Words
 way, populations might avoid meeting scams or getting involved in fake transactions. In conclusion, the benefits of the cutting-edge
technology
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 are greater than the shortcomings related to the security of data. Human beings have to raise their awareness of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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exchanging
information
Use synonyms
 nowadays, and
technology
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 developing its security systems for user convenience.

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task response
Explain your view clearly at the start. State your main point in one sentence in the intro.
task response
Add strong reasons with proof. Link each idea to the view and keep to the topic.
structure
Plan before you write. Use a short intro, 2 or 3 body ideas, and a close.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show order and contrast, like first, also, but, however, so.
coherence
Keep each paragraph with one main idea. Break long sentences, and check grammar.
content
Give concrete examples that people know and relate to the point you make.
language
Watch spelling and small errors so they do not hide ideas.
content
The writer shows a clear view and keeps to it.
content
The essay mentions real tech use like email and video calls.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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