The graph below shows the average monthly salary and the prices of black and white and colour TV in Japanese yen from 1953 to 1973.

The line graph delineates the average monthly
salary
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of a Japanese working
person
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over the two decades alongside the cost of black and white
television
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and
colour
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TV during the same period.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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there is a considerable increase in the
salary
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of an average working
person
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throughout the given period. There is a downward trend in the
price
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of black and white
television
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and
colour
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television
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.
Initially
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, the
salary
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of an earning
peson
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person
was roughly 25
Yen
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in the year 1953. During which the rate of black and white
television
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started at 100
Yen
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, which was above the budget of a working
person
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. There is a steady increase in the
salary
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to 40
yen
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at the interval of five years,
meanwhile
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meanwhile,
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the
price
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of black and white
television
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dropped to 80
yen
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and in the same year
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colour
Punctuation problem
, colour
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television
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was introduced in the market at a
big
Correct word choice
high
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price
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of 180
yen
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making
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, making
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it unaffordable to buy. In
1963
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1963,
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there was parallel steep
in
Check wording
increase in
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the
price
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of both black and white
television
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and
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sets and
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colour
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television
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set
Correct subject-verb agreement
sets
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at 60
yen
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and about 110
yen
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respectively.
However
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, there was
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
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rise in the earnings at every regular interval
surpassing
Punctuation problem
, surpassing
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the cost of
black
Correct article usage
a black
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and white
television
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set in 1963 and
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colour
Correct article usage
a colour
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TV in 1968. There is a
further
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decrease in the
price
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of both
television
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set
Correct subject-verb agreement
sets
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by the end of
second
Correct article usage
the second
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decade,
whereas
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the pay of working
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person
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people
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skyrocketed to 180
yen
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in 1973
making
Punctuation problem
, making
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it affordable to buy the
television
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set.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words salary, person, television, colour, price, yen with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "set" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average monthly salary
  • Black and white TV
  • Colour TV
  • Japanese Yen
  • Affordability
  • Upward/downward trend
  • Technological advancements
  • Consumer preferences
  • Price dynamics
  • Market changes
  • Increase/decrease
  • Ratio
  • Introduction
  • Compare/contrast
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