IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph shows Japanese average monthly salary (Yen) from 1953 to 1973, and the prices of black and white Television and colored Television during the same period.

The line graph delineates the average monthly income of a Japanese working
person
Use synonyms
 over the two decades alongside the cost of black and white
television
Use synonyms
 and
colour
Use synonyms
 TV during the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there is a considerable increase in the salary of an average working
person
Use synonyms
 throughout the given period. There is a downward trend in the
price
Use synonyms
 of black and white
Use synonyms
television
Fix the agreement mistake
televisions
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 and
colour
Use synonyms
box
Fix the agreement mistake
boxes
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.
Initially
Linking Words
, the salary of an earning
person
Use synonyms
 was roughly 25
Yen
Use synonyms
 in the year 1953. During which the rate of black and white
television
Use synonyms
 started at 100
Yen
Use synonyms
, which was above the budget of a working
person
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. There is a steady increase in the salary to 40
yen
Use synonyms
 at the interval of five years
, meanwhile
Punctuation problem
. Meanwhile
show examples
, the
price
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 of black and white
television
Use synonyms
 dropped to 80
yen
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in the same year ,
colour
Use synonyms
television
Use synonyms
 was introduced in the market at a high
price
Use synonyms
 of 180
yen
Use synonyms
 , making it unaffordable to buy. In 1963, there was
parallel
Correct article usage
a parallel
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 steep decrease in the
price
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 of both black and white
television
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 sets and
colour
Use synonyms
television
Use synonyms
 sets at 60
yen
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 and about 110
yen
Use synonyms
 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, there was a dramatic rise in the earnings at every regular interval , surpassing the cost of a black and white
television
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 set in 1963 and a
colour
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 TV in 1968. There is a
further
Linking Words
 decrease in the
price
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 of both
television
Use synonyms
 sets by the end of the second decade,
whereas
Linking Words
 the pay of working people skyrocketed to 180
yen
Use synonyms
 in 1973 , making it affordable to buy the
television
Use synonyms
 set.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words person, television, colour, price, yen with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "sets" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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