IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. .

Many people believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged to compete.
However
Linking Words
, others think that cooperation should be considered more important than
competition
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 because it helps
children
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 become more successful adults. In my opinion, cooperation should be encouraged because
children
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 can learn valuable
skills
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,
whereas
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competition
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 may make them feel more stressed. On the one hand, some people argue that encouraging
competition
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 may negatively affect
children
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.
Children
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 may feel disappointed when they lose.
In addition
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, they may become jealous of the winner. Some may
also
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 feel less confident compared with their peers, which could affect their academic performance.
For example
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, some students who win competitions may face bullying from those who lose.
On the other hand
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, cooperation helps
children
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 develop important social
skills
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 because they work together and exchange ideas.
As a result
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, they can perform better and achieve improved outcomes. In the future, they may succeed and obtain higher qualifications than others.
For instance
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, students who work as a team often win competitions and gain valuable
skills
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. In conclusion, I believe that encouraging
children
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 to cooperate makes them more capable adults because they develop essential
skills
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,
while
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 excessive
competition
Use synonyms
 may negatively affect them.

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planning
Plan your ideas before you write. Put two clear points in each part and check you back them with a short example.
coherence
Use simple links to show how ideas are used, such as also, but, and for example.
examples
Add one more real example to back your point and show how it helps children.
stance
The writer sets out a clear view and keeps it in the end.
content
Both sides are shown, not just one side.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of competition
  • encourage
  • cooperate
  • useful adults
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • motivation
  • goals
  • excellence
  • work ethic
  • personal accountability
  • interpersonal skills
  • empathy
  • teamwork
  • effective communication
  • community
  • belonging
  • emotional well-being
  • globalized
  • interconnected
  • collaborate
  • balanced approach
  • individual achievement
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