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Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people think that schools should give prizes for academic successes. Others argue that it is more important for schools to give prizes for other achievements (for example, for sports, music and behaviour). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It is often argued that academic
achievement
Use synonyms
more
Verb problem
is more
show examples
 important than non-academic
achievement
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
. Nowadays
show examples
nowadays
Punctuation problem
nowadays,
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 put pressure on
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
daughter
Fix the agreement mistake
daughters
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 rise
academic
Change preposition
in academic
show examples
 competition,
while
Linking Words
 in my
opinion
Punctuation problem
opinion,
show examples
 both academic and
non
Correct word choice
non-academic
show examples
 academic
equally
Verb problem
are equally
show examples
 important, so schools should give prizes for
academic
Correct pronoun usage
both academic
show examples
achievement
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
non academic
Use the right word
non-academic
show examples
Use synonyms
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
for
Fix capitalization
For
show examples
recents
Correct your spelling
recent
 years, many people
stuck
Verb problem
are stuck
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 old culture, they thought
achievement
Use synonyms
 only
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 field
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as academic olimpiade, class ranking
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
.
Parents
Use synonyms
only
Verb problem
are only
show examples
 obsessed
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 academic
achievement
Use synonyms
 and
costs
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 their money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
tutor
Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
show examples
,
as a
Linking Words
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
 they
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
realized
Verb problem
realise
show examples
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
potensial
Correct your spelling
potential
 skills in
non
Correct word choice
non-academic
show examples
 academic.
Body paragraph 2
Linking Words
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 only appreciate academic
achievement
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 obey for
non academic
Use the right word
non-academic
show examples
achievement
Use synonyms
Conclusion
However
Linking Words
, most of
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
college
Fix the agreement mistake
colleges
show examples
 in
indonesia
Fix capitalization
Indonesia
show examples
accepted
Wrong verb form
accept
show examples
 new
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 from
golden
Correct article usage
the golden
show examples
 ticket for academic
achievement
Use synonyms
 and
non academic
Use the right word
non-academic
show examples
achievement
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 should
focused
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of academic
achievement
Use synonyms
, and schools
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 to appreciate their
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 by
given
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 prizes
that winning
Wrong verb form
to those who win
show examples
 academic
competition
Check wording
apply
show examples
or
non academic
Use the right word
non-academic
show examples
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
.

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task response
Plan your answer. Start with a short line that says your view. Then write two parts: one for each side. Finish with your clear own view.
coherence
Make one idea in each paragraph. Use small linking words like and, but, also, then. This helps the flow.
general
Check spelling and grammar. Use simple, common words. Read aloud to catch mistakes.
content
Some effort to discuss both sides and to give a view.
content
There is an attempt to use examples (tutors, colleges).
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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