IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Hard work and determination are the main requirements for success in life. Others think other factors are more important. Discuss both views?

In the modern world, there is an ongoing debate about whether hard work and determination are the main requirements for
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
 in life or other factors are more important.
This
Linking Words
 trend has become increasingly relevant in today's society. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will examine both perspectives
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that overworking and determination are the primary
necessarities
Correct your spelling
necessities
 for
success
Use synonyms
.
permanent
Fix capitalization
Permanent
show examples
efforts
Use synonyms
make
Verb problem
help
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
grow
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
professionally and develop their skills.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who have overworked tend to be eager to get
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 life,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 might be
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 significant
requirements
Fix the agreement mistake
requirement
show examples
 for
success
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, numerous influential
people
Use synonyms
 have put
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
efforts
Use synonyms
 for their successful
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it illustrates that putting sufficient
Use synonyms
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 never betrays the way to
success
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that other factors,
such
Linking Words
 as luck and background, are more significant. It is because there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who failed, even
they
Correct word choice
though they
show examples
 invested their time and
efforts
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 who have a good family connection can have
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 position or get a job easily with their
faimily's
Correct your spelling
family's
 help without
many
Fix the agreement mistake
much effort
show examples
efforts
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in many countries, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 tend to get high positions when they have
rich
Correct article usage
a rich
show examples
 family.
As a result
Linking Words
, it shows
putting
Correct word choice
that putting
show examples
much
Change preposition
in much
show examples
Use synonyms
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 may not be the primary
requirements
Fix the agreement mistake
requirement
show examples
 for
success
Use synonyms
. In
conclustion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is undeniable that
this
Linking Words
discuss
Replace the word
discussion
show examples
 can be controversial. Some
public
Check wording
people
show examples
 agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
that
show examples
 overworking and determination are the
maine necessarities
Correct your spelling
main necessities
due to
Linking Words
 growth and passion.
However
Linking Words
, others suggest that others are more important because there are various
people
Use synonyms
 who
Use synonyms
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 without any effort.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Put a clear view in the opening and end with a clear line that repeats your view.
coherence
Make each idea easy to see with a strong first sentence in each paragraph.
coherence
Link ideas with simple joining words so the text flows well.
task response
Give one good example for each side that fits the task well.
language
Check for small mistakes in spelling and grammar.
strength
The essay tries to show both views.
strength
There is an opening and a closing paragraph.
strength
Some ideas are supported with examples.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: