IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Influence of human beings on the world’s ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity.

The extinction of
species
Use synonyms
 and the loss of
biodiversity
Use synonyms
 are largely caused by human activities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem and suggest effective solutions to address it. One of the primary causes of
this
Linking Words
 issue is overfishing and overhunting. Many individuals hunt or capture large numbers of animals, leading to a significant decline in
species
Use synonyms
 populations.
Additionally
Linking Words
, climate change, largely driven by the burning of fossil fuels, poses a severe threat to ecosystems. High levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere contribute to rising temperatures and habitat disruption, which endanger numerous animal
species
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a study conducted by New York University concluded that 90% of
species
Use synonyms
 could be at risk
due to
Linking Words
 increased carbon dioxide levels. These examples highlight how human
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 has a direct and detrimental impact on
biodiversity
Use synonyms
. To address
this
Linking Words
 issue, governments should enforce stricter environmental laws. Implementing financial penalties can discourage harmful practices,
while
Linking Words
 conservation programs can help protect vulnerable
species
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, raising public awareness is essential. Educational initiatives, workshops, and campaigns can teach individuals about the importance of
biodiversity
Use synonyms
 and the steps they can take to prevent
further
Linking Words
 damage. By combining governmental regulation with responsible individual actions, society can significantly reduce the rate of
species
Use synonyms
 extinction. In conclusion, the loss of
biodiversity
Use synonyms
 and the extinction of
species
Use synonyms
 are primarily caused by overhunting and climate change resulting from human activities.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, through effective policies, public education, and collective responsibility, it is possible to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 issue and preserve the delicate balance of the world’s ecosystems.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Give more facts or details for each point. For two or three causes, add a short example or numbers to show why this is a big issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Link parts in a clear way. Use words like 'first', 'then', 'also', 'however', to show how ideas fit together.
Coherence and Cohesion
The write up has a clear start, middle, and end.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of linking words that show order and contrast.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: