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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008.

The given graph demonstrates the number of
minutes
Use synonyms
 of a conversation over the telephone in Australia between 2001 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, one
steaking
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striking
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 feature is that the data indicates a clear transformation in telecommunication habits in Australia over the seven-year
period
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. The local calls were the most widely used type
throught
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the
period
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Punctuation problem
,
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whereas
Linking Words
 mobile calls accounted for
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
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 figure at the beginning, but experienced a gradual
increased
Replace the word
increase
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 over time. Meanwhile, the local calls rose
steadidly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 and reached a peak of 90
minutes
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 in 2005.
However
Linking Words
,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 point, the figure declined and fell to 72
minutes
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 in the ultimate
period
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the national and international categories grew through the
period
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 and
and reaching
Wrong verb form
reached
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 61minutes in the ultimate
period
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. İn constrant, it is noticeable that the growth in mobile phone usage was particularly sharp after 2004.
Although
Linking Words
 mobile calls started at only 2
minutes
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 in 2001,
then
Linking Words
go
Wrong verb form
went
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 up gradually to 9
minutes
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 in 2004 and continued to grow significantly, finishing at about 45
minutes
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 in 2008.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words minutes, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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