IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors, engineers and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

A huge number of working professionals
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as doctors, engineers and teachers, are migrating to developed
countries
Use synonyms
 for better socio-economic
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the reason for
this
Linking Words
 brain-drain and
also
Linking Words
 viable solutions to combat
this
Linking Words
 situation. Nowadays, migrating from developing
countries
Use synonyms
 to developed nations has become a trend. One of the major
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the socio-economic
propelling
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
disparity that takes place. There are no proper
infrasturctural facilites
Correct your spelling
infrastructural facilities
, better
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
, pay
nor
Punctuation problem
, nor
show examples
 proper respect paid to professionals in the under-developed or developed nations.
For example
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of them take hefty student
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
while
Linking Words
 studying these professional courses, but either they do not get employment opportunities or better salaries to clear off
this
Linking Words
 debt, so they opt to move to
better paying
Use the right word
better-paying
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 to meet their financial independence
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with raising their quality of life. One solution that would be vital in the long run is to value and formulate better
pays
Fix the agreement mistake
pay
show examples
 and
working
Correct article usage
a working
show examples
 environment that would be conducive to the employees. An adequate and equal pay as per the educational qualification and designation should be made mandatory, else the country will become
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
poorer with the migration process. The developing
countries
Use synonyms
 should adopt and follow working rules in terms of pay and working
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
 from
migrated
Correct article usage
the migrated
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 would
also
Linking Words
 boost the
natinal
Correct your spelling
national
 economy as well.
For instance
Linking Words
,
countries
Use synonyms
 like Canada and Australia
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 always been keen
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 valuing and welcoming skilled professionals from all over the globe because they offer better pay and high standards of living. In conclusion, in order to put a check on the excessive migration by adopting the educational and work policies from other developed nations, as
this
Linking Words
 would help in the growth of the individual as well
the
Correct word choice
as the
show examples
 country of origin.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Your essay has a basic plan, but the main idea and its spread are not always clear. Improve by stating your view clearly and by fully answering both parts: cause and solution. Add more detail in each part.
structure
Make a clear plan: intro, 2 body parts, and a short conclusion. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example: first, also, however, finally).
language
Be careful with spelling and grammar. Simple errors like infrasturctural, opportunites, enviornment hurt meaning. Use simple spell check and proofread.
content
Add more real examples from life or known facts. This makes your point stronger. You can mention a real policy or a small fact from a country you know.
language
Keep sentences short and clear. Avoid long sentences that carry many ideas at once.
content
You try to cover both why people leave and ways to stop it.
content
You name real places (Canada, Australia) showing awareness of real world facts.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: