IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it's a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In
this
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 modern world, some
people
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 believe that it is an ideal lifestyle to remain socialising connections with coworkers out of
work
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,
while
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 other individuals hold the view that
life
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 and
work
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 should be clearly acknowledged in different aspects.
This
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 has been a widely debated issue. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both positive and negative aspects and give my opinion. On the one hand,
minimizing
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minimising
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 the distance between colleagues is beneficial for building a strong social network. Nowadays, the firm social network has been
proved that
Wrong verb form
proven to be
show examples
 a powerful skill for personal
devolopment
Correct your spelling
development
,
this
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 is because it turns
divers
Correct word choice
diverse
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 relationships
to
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into
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 structured connections.
As a consequence
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, the importance of socialising with workmates not only provides more opportunities for career, but
also
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 creates more possibilities of making new friends.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 are unwilling to build a connection with coworkers as they feel that they consume too much energy for living; to be more specific, some believe it is not worthy to spend time
to
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with
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 unfamiliar workmates because they tend to
the
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apply
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value
of
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apply
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personal space.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can acquire more time for family as their
life
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 and
work
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 are
alearly
Correct your spelling
clearly
 separated. In conclusion, socialising has been known as an important part of our
life
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 some
people
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are
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apply
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tend to explore more possibilities of friendship
while
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 working,
some
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while others
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 refuse to get
personal
Correct determiner usage
their personal
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life
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 involved in
work
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. No matter what kind of lifestyle
people
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 choose, as long as they can find their suitable way, it is a positive
devolopment
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development
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but your own opinion is not clear enough.
task response
Give one clear opinion in the introduction or conclusion, and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
Add one simple real example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are hard to follow because the link between them is weak. Use simple linking words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each main point is explained step by step before you move to the next point.
task response
You discuss both views, so you answer the main task.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • colleagues
  • socialising
  • work relationships
  • teamwork
  • positive
  • supportive
  • work environment
  • personal relationships
  • collaboration
  • communication
  • stress
  • well-being
  • work-life balance
  • personal time
  • boundaries
  • conflicts
  • burnout
  • professional
  • personal identities
What to do next:
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