IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

These days people spend more and more time at work and less time at home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Capitalsim
Correct your spelling
Capitalism
 has influenced
people
Use synonyms
's lives in many different ways. One way is that they
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become
obssessed
Correct your spelling
obsessed
 with their
work
Use synonyms
 lives, so they can achieve more success and earn more money.
This
Linking Words
 change has affected their personal lives, and
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 the
time
Use synonyms
 they spend at their homes.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the pros and cons which are related to
this
Linking Words
 incredible change. Regarding the advantages, spending more
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
 can effectively increase productivity. Many companies whose employees dedicate their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to their
work
Use synonyms
 have
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 more
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in their outcomes. Not only
this
Linking Words
, but
also
Linking Words
 these
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 can
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
be promoted and have
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 salaries in a very short
time
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Countries, whose
people
Use synonyms
 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as China, have achieved an
incrediable
Correct your spelling
incredible
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 growth.
This
Linking Words
 growth can hugely increase
people
Use synonyms
's standard of living
as well as
Linking Words
 their income.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 unbalanced
work
Use synonyms
-life can affect
people
Use synonyms
 who are family-oriented
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and enjoy spending
time
Use synonyms
 with family.

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content
Task response: state a clear view about the topic in the intro and add a balanced discussion with ideas to support it. End with a short conclusion that sums up your view.
organization
Coherence and cohesion: give each paragraph a clear main idea. Use linking words to show order (for example, also, but, however). Make sure ideas follow a logical line.
language
Grammar and spelling: fix errors like Capitalism, have, obsessed; use correct verb forms and plural nouns. Keep sentences simple and accurate.
content
Examples: add one or two clear facts or test ideas to back up points.
structure
The essay starts to discuss both sides and tries to give examples.
content
Some link to real life, like China, shows attempt to give facts.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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