IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

86.In many countreis, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent
years
Punctuation problem
years,
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 there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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ongoing
Correct article usage
an ongoing
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dabate
Correct your spelling
debate
 between
people
Use synonyms
 who believe that
ageing
Correct article usage
an ageing
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 population creates problems for
government
Correct article usage
the government
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,
while
Linking Words
 others think that benefits
overweight
Check wording
apply
show examples
if society has more elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 believe that the growth of
older
Correct article usage
the older
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 generation can bring challenges for
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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, and positive side effects for society.
Firs
Use the right word
First
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 and foremost, from
the
Correct article usage
an
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economical
Correct word choice
economic
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 perspective
having
Punctuation problem
, having
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 a significant number of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to spending more than earning.
For instance
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,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 is providing older
people
Use synonyms
 with pensions, free healthcare and retirement homes/ benefits, which leads to higher taxes for those who are working.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the health care system is overburdened, because of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 to be provided with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long term
Use the right word
long-term
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 care.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the demography of the population
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
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 be
effected
Use the right word
affected
show examples
, which can lead to hard times for
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population can provide a
banch
Correct your spelling
bunch
 of benefits for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
due to
Linking Words
 their multidimensional experience.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays older generations
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 parents with raising kids, which is beneficial in financial terms.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 it helps parents to have a life balance between work, family and hobbies, and having some time with a partner.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that the increasing number of old
ones
Check wording
people
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 leads
problems
Change preposition
to problems
show examples
 for
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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. So, the small advantages that
Correct article usage
the aging
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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 generation brings
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 do not
overwheight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the
reprocations
Correct your spelling
repercussions
 of
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
demage
Correct your spelling
damage
.

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structure
Make your main view clear in the first part and keep it to the end.
development
Add more simple ideas and explain how they show your point.
language
Check grammar and spelling to fix errors.
coherence
Use linking words like also, but, for example to join ideas.
content
You show a clear view on the topic.
examples
You give examples such as pensions and care.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • age
  • old
  • older
  • people
  • life
  • work
  • job
  • money
  • cost
  • health
  • care
  • plan
  • rules
  • government
  • country
  • family
  • home
  • city
  • town
  • help
  • learn
  • teach
  • share
  • skill
  • time
  • more
  • less
  • work
  • day
  • future
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