IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that students should not be allowed to use smartphones in school. Others think that smartphones are useful learning tools. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today's era, the role of smartphones has become controversial for
usage
Use synonyms
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 technology helps keep everyone updated with anything and everything in the world, it does have
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 outright disadvantages. In my opinion, it enables
progressive
Correct article usage
a progressive
show examples
 education style if it is used aptly.I would be sharing my views on both aspects in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
usage
Use synonyms
 of mobile phones in classrooms and schools disrupts the
knowledge grasping
Use the right word
knowledge-grasping
show examples
 power of the children
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 these gadgets decrease their concentration.
For instance
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the teacher is giving an important lecture, they can open their phones and not pay attention to the contents of the lecture
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
, thus
show examples
 impacting their productivity and education lessons.
Additionally
Linking Words
, as smartphones are considered personal belongings,sometimes teachers do not have much authority to restrict their
usage
Use synonyms
 in ongoing lectures ,
while
Linking Words
 it still impacts the momentum of the discussions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the mobiles help the
students
Use synonyms
 to stay updated with the educational material which is available online to aid their learning abilities and follow frequent changes in schedules.
For example
Linking Words
, most of the schools have their online portals where the study material is readily available online and helps
students
Use synonyms
 by being accessible in real-time
rather
Punctuation problem
, rather
show examples
 than waiting to buy books or make notes when
students
Use synonyms
 might have other subjects to cater to.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it helps their parents to be in touch with their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 all
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
. The technology allows them to form study groups online and access
every
Fix the agreement mistake
all
show examples
 study
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 time. In conclusion, the
usage
Use synonyms
 of these smartphones does pave
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 way for many advantages which are necessary for
students
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 era. But it should be optimised and needs to be under
governance
Correct article usage
the governance
show examples
 of teachers to utilise it in the best possible manner for the learners.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: The essay talks about both sides and gives your view. It needs a stronger final line to state your clear view.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: There is a clear plan (intro, two body parts, conclusion), but some sentences are long. Use short, easy links like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'for example' to flow.
content
Balanced view with both sides shown
structure
Clear plan: intro, two body parts, and a conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: