IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to counsume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Processed
food
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items
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 are readily available in almost all supermarkets. Since they are cheap and require minimal effort before
consumption
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consumption,
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 they have become a popular choice for many
people
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.
However
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, they are most often
calorie dense
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calorie-dense
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 and contain
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 quantity of sugar.
Therefore
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,
people
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 argue that the
prices
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 of these
items
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 must be raised to discourage buyers from purchasing them.
While
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 I agree that increased
prices
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 could deter the public from purchasing them,
this
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 decision can have a disproportionately negative impact on low-income families who rely on ready meals. Raising
prices
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 on processed
food
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 and drink
items
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 can force the general public to purchase those
items
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 less frequently.
This
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 results in a population that spends money on fresh produce and
prioritizes
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prioritises
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 homemade meals. Eventually, we see a decline in health problems related to high consumption of fast
food
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Linking Words
such
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, such
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 as diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, coronary heart disease
etc
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, etc
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.
On the other hand
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, there are a large number of
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 cannot afford to cook meals at home, buy fresh produce and rely heavily on
pre - packaged
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pre-packaged
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food
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. In my opinion, it would be unfair to raise
prices
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 for
such
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people
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 who have a low socio-economic status. Ultimately, a more holistic approach is necessary
,
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;
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 we must combine the
raise
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rise
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 in
prices
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 with educating the public on making better dietary choices. The revenue generated from the higher taxes on sugary foods can be
funneled
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funnelled
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 to support the unhoused population, unemployed population
etc
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, etc
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,
additionally
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 helping them eat and live better.
To sum up
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, raising
prices
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 on sugary foods can be beneficial only when the public understands the health risks associated with consuming sugary
food
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items
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. The increased taxes on
such
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items
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 must be used to benefit
people
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 who struggle to make a living. We can successfully change the public opinion on
such
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items
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 and promote better health in the long run
while
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 simultaneously increasing the quality of life for those living in poverty by simply raising the
prices
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 on pre-made
items
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.

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structure
Add a clear main idea in the first line and keep it in the essay's start.
coherence
Use a clear topic sentence in each paragraph and link ideas with simple words.
content
Give more real proof or clear, small examples.
language
Check spelling and fix gaps like 'pre - packaged' to 'pre-packaged'.
content
The essay shows care for health and for poorer people.
content
It gives a plan to use money from taxes to help the poor.
balance
It shows both sides of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • escalating health crises
  • deterrent
  • revenue
  • funnel
  • healthcare system
  • socio-economic implications
  • disproportionately
  • unaffordability
  • holistic approach
  • nutritional education
  • regulate
  • vulnerable populations
  • consumer behavior
  • deter purchases
  • public awareness
What to do next:
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