IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the Japan’s population by age groups starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.

The chart below shows the Japan’s population by age groups starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.
The chart provided illustrates the proportion of three different
age
Use synonyms
 groups in Japan from 1960 to 2020 , and
together with
Linking Words
 a forecast to 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 than 65
group
Use synonyms
 grow gradually over the given
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 between 0 and 14 decreases dramatically during the given
period
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 from 25 to 64 shows a slow drop across the
period
Use synonyms
. Looking at the graph more closely, one can see that people aged 25 to under 65 reached a high of 70% in 1970
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it fell gradually from 1980, even though
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 fluctuated throughout the
period
Use synonyms
. It will decrease to 58%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Age
Correct article usage
The age
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 over 65 started at 7% at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, it surpassed people aged 0 to 14 in 2000.
Then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 will rise to 35% in 2040. Meanwhile, those aged under 14 reached their peak at 35% in 1970 and dropped slowly.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 is expected to drop to 10% in 2040.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slow" was used 2 times.
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