IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that
information
Use synonyms
 in scientific
research
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, business and
academic
Replace the word
academia
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 should be shared as widely as possible,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that certain knowledge is too valuable or too vital to be revealed freely.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and explain why I believe
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
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 approach is necessary. On the one hand, sharing
information
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 can benefit society. In scientific
research
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, open access to data allows researchers around the world to collaborate and develop new solutions more quickly.
For example
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, international cooperation led to
develop
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the development of
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 novel vaccines through exchanging
information
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 during the
covid 19
Check wording
COVID-19
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 period. In terms of
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
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 world, sharing knowledge promotes education and innovation, helping students and scholars pursue
further
Linking Words
research
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, open communication often plays a key role in promoting progress and bringing a variety of benefits.
On the other hand
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, some
information
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 should not be shared freely because it may be highly valuable, sensitive or potentially harmful. In business, companies invest significant time and funding in researching and developing new products, so revealing trade secrets could damage their competitiveness.
In addition
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, sensitive personal data collected
in
Change preposition
for
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 sale or marketing must be protected properly to respect privacy. Without appropriate control, unlimited sharing may result in security risks or ethical problems. In my opinion,
information
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 sharing should be encouraged, but with clear
boundary
Fix the agreement mistake
boundaries
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. Knowledge that contributes to public welfare,
such
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 as medical or environmental
protect
Replace the word
protection
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Use synonyms
research
Punctuation problem
research,
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 should be accessible,
whereas
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 confidential or potentially dangerous
information
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 should be carefully regulated. By maintaining
this
Linking Words
 balance, society can enjoy the advantages of open
information
Use synonyms
 without concern
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 hazardous and unnecessary risks.

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task response
Your answer covers both sides and gives your view. Make the main idea very clear in the first part and restate it at the end.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words and clear connects like and, but, also, so to keep order clear.
coherence
Give one simple fact or example for each point to show proof. Keep it short and easy.
content
Shows both sides well.
structure
Your own view is clear at the end.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
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