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Band 6.5

Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. Task: what are the advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games?

In the modern world, it is undeniable that
computer
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games
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 have become a common form of entertainment among
children
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 and young people.
While
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 some doctors express concern about the high level of gaming, others recognise that it may offer certain benefits. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both the advantages and disadvantages of
children
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 playing
computer
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games
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. On the one hand, there are many benefits associated with
computer
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 gaming for young people. One of the most apparent positive aspects is that
games
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 can improve cognitive and problem-solving skills. To illustrate, many video
games
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 require players to make quick decisions, plan strategies, and respond to complex situations.
For instance
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, puzzle-based or adventure
games
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 can help
children
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 develop logical thinking, coordination, and concentration.
In addition
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, online multiplayer
games
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 may allow young people to interact with others, which can improve teamwork and communication skills.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some drawbacks related to excessive gaming that should not be overlooked. One negative aspect is that spending too much time playing
computer
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games
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 may reduce physical activity and harm
children
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’s health. To clarify, long periods in front of screens can contribute to eye strain, poor posture, and
lack
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a lack
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 of exercise.
For example
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,
children
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 who play
games
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 for many hours each day may spend less time studying or socialising in real life, which can negatively affect their academic performance and emotional development. To recapitulate, it is evident that the main merit of
computer
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games
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 is their potential to develop thinking skills and social interaction,
while
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 the principal downside is the risk of health problems and reduced academic focus. Having considered both sides thoroughly, it can be concluded that
computer
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games
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 can be beneficial when used in moderation, but excessive use may lead to negative consequences for
children
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’s development.

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improvement
Task response: You cover both sides and give a clear end. To raise the score, add more exact facts and strong, simple examples to back each point.
improvement
Coherence and cohesion: You have a good flow and use linking words. Try to use more kinds of links and make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and a short ending sentence.
structure
Clear shape with intro, body, and end.
coherence
Use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show sides.
task response
Conclusion states view and ties to topic.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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