IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for or allow them to dowhatever they want to do. Is this good for children? What could be consequences for thesechildren when they grow up?

The increasing
parents
Use synonyms
 spoiling their
children
Use synonyms
 has raised two significant questions
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 is
this
Linking Words
 beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 what impact will
children
Use synonyms
 have when they grow up? In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is harmful to
children
Use synonyms
's
development
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both issues in detail. As far as I'm concerned,
parents
Use synonyms
satisfy
Wrong verb form
satisfying
show examples
 all the demands of their
children
Use synonyms
 and
allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
 them to do everything may be beneficial for the
children
Use synonyms
's childhood in the short term. In
this
Linking Words
 period, the indulgence of
parents
Use synonyms
 allows
children
Use synonyms
 more confidence to do the things they want to do, which leads to
children
Use synonyms
 have a wonderful childhood.
However
Linking Words
, these
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 of the
parents
Use synonyms
 are not beneficial to the long-term
development
Use synonyms
 of the
children
Use synonyms
. Since
parents
Use synonyms
 do not regulate their
children
Use synonyms
's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 will lead to a lack of rules and boundaries for them.
Besides
Linking Words
, as
Use synonyms
parents'overmuch
Correct your spelling
overmuch
 satisfaction
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 leads to
children
Use synonyms
rely
Wrong verb form
relying
show examples
 on their
parents
Use synonyms
 for help,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they will have
difficultly
Replace the word
difficulty
show examples
 accepting rejection and failure.
For example
Linking Words
, when the child enters school,they may not be able to adapt to the rules and
constrains
Use the right word
constraints
show examples
 by the school and teachers,
as well as
Linking Words
 the rejections from their classmates.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parental overindulgence is not conducive to a child's long-term
development
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, when these
children
Use synonyms
 who were spoiled by
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 growing up may cause worse consequences.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as
parents
Use synonyms
 always give their
children
Use synonyms
 everything that
children
Use synonyms
 ask for,
children
Use synonyms
 tend to believe that whatever they want should be provided by others. It may cause
children
Use synonyms
 to become
self-centered
Change the spelling
self-centred
show examples
 when they grow up, ignoring the demands of others, thereby affecting their interpersonal relationships.
Besides
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 may lose their sense of responsibility and have poor self-control
due to
Linking Words
 their
parents
Use synonyms
' indulgence. When
children
Use synonyms
 fail to control their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, they may
prone
Verb problem
be prone
show examples
 to engage in criminal activities. In
conchusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I believe that
parents
Use synonyms
' indulgence is more detrimental than beneficial to
Use synonyms
children'slong-term
Correct your spelling
long-term
development
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task
Give a clear view and keep two sides. Add more real examples to show you can think.
Coherence
Use one idea per paragraph and a strong topic sentence. Use simple link words to show order and connect ideas.
Language
Check grammar and spelling. Fix long sentences and word form. Use simple, accurate language.
Strength
You make your point and have a clear position.
Strength
You use link words to move ideas.
Strength
You ask two questions and attempt to answer them.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: