IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, there is a rising number of young people comitting crimes. What are the advantages and disadvantages from sending the young offenders to prison

In some countries, there is a rising number of young
people
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 committing
crimes
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. In my opinion, these
people
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 should be sent to
prison
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. Nowadays, in some countries, a lot of young
people
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 have started taking advantage of the rules set by the government. The government should modify the rule and send young
people
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 under 18 to
prison
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 as well. Young
people
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 who are committing
crimes
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 and not being punished will develop their
mindset
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 in a way that they can get away with committing
crimes
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.
Moreover
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, sending young
people
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 to
prison
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 will lead to other
people
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 thinking that they cannot get away with committing a
crime
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they would be scared of the long periods of
prison
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 sentences.
Furthermore
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, sending young
people
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 to
prison
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 will help society
,
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apply
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 in terms of keeping criminals off the
road
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streets
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.
People
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 who might have committed small or petty
crimes
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 right now can commit a major
crime
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 later on in their lives. There are some disadvantages as well
,
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;
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 sending young
people
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 to
prison
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, where all the criminals are kept, will affect their minds a lot. Growing up in the middle of a criminal
mindset
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 will manipulate them into the same
mindset
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. Young
people
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 are not mature enough, and they might develop a similar
mindset
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 to
people
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 in
prison
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.
Additionally
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, there are other aspects leading young
people
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 to commit
crimes
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 ,
such
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 as starvation, poverty. The government should work on solving those problems as well , which will reduce the
crime
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 rate.
People
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 should
also
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 be careful about what kind of content their children are watching, as in recent times, a lot of
people
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 on social media are promoting
crime
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 and illegal activities and terming them as cool.
Overall
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, young
people
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 should be sent to
prison
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,
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apply
show examples
 so that they understand that doing criminal activities would lead to punishment.

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task response
Balance your view. Give both sides of the issue equal weight with clear, simple ideas and short examples.
coherence
Make the flow clear. Start each paragraph with a quick line that tells what the paragraph will say, and use linking words to show how ideas connect.
task achievement
Add more detail to every point. Give a simple example or a step that shows how prison for youths would work or be bad.
language
Use easy grammar and fix long sentences. Short, clear sentences help the reader. Vary length a bit, but stay clean.
content
The writer states a clear view and makes a basic plan to the essay.
structure
Some ideas are linked in a real way and the essay uses easy words that are easy to read.
language
Conclusion repeats the main point, which helps the reader see the idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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