IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts and the table show the primary sources and the total amount of fish that transported into United States in the year 1988 to 2000.

The table illustrates information about the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
total value of
fish
Use synonyms
 that
transported
Verb problem
was transported
show examples
 into the US in 1998, 1999 and 2000,
while
Linking Words
 the bar charts compare the source of
fish
Use synonyms
 imported throughout the period.
Untis
Correct your spelling
Units
 are measured in billions of dollars and
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total price of
fish
Use synonyms
 that
imported
Verb problem
was imported
show examples
 increased significantly during the years,
whereas
Linking Words
importing
Replace the word
the importation
show examples
 of
fish
Use synonyms
 from
Canada
Use synonyms
 had the highest proportion in 1998.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in 1992 and 2000 importing
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 other countries increased dramatically. With regard to the table, the total amount of
importing
Wrong verb form
imported
show examples
fish
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
 stood at 6.57, before rising significantly to 8.52 in 1992.
Then
Linking Words
 it
followed
Verb problem
was followed
show examples
 by a dramatic growth in 2000, peaking at 10.72. Turning to the source of
fish
Use synonyms
 imported, in 1998,
Canada
Use synonyms
 had the highest proportion at 60%, which was
largesr
Correct your spelling
larger
 than China's figure by a staggering margin of 47%, as the former
ranking
Replace the word
ranked
show examples
 first. In 1992, the figure for other countries ranked first at 46%, which was larger than
Canada
Use synonyms
's figure by a significant margin, as the latter ranked
last
Linking Words
.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2000, the share of
Use synonyms
canada
Fix capitalization
Canada
show examples
 was almost the same as China's share, at 28% and 30%, respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, canada with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary sources
  • import
  • export
  • sustainable
  • trade
  • volume
  • shifts
  • increase
  • decrease
  • prominent
  • exporters
  • fishery
  • market dynamics
  • trade agreements
  • conservation
  • supply chain
  • trend analysis
  • economic impact
  • fishing industry
  • environmental concerns
What to do next:
Look at other essays: