IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

In today's society, there is
cosiderable
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considerable
 debate about the most updated
tecnologies
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technologies
 that
infunced
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influenced
 and changed the way
of
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apply
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children allocate their free
time
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. I completely believe
this
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 manner has more drawbacks
that
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than
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outweight
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apply
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advanteges
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advantages
. In
this
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 essay, l will outline the reasons before reaching the conclusion.
To begin
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 with, one primary disadvantage is that consuming too much
time
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 on electronic
devices
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 will lead to
attension
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attention
 loss and increase hyperactivity. To illustrate,
by
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apply
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wasting
significant
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a significant
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 amount of
time
Use synonyms
 on
devices
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 can affect the brain activity
responsile
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responsible
 for focus and
attension
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attention
 in a child's mind, as it is still developing.
For example
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, if the child is under the appropriate age and
used
Wrong verb form
uses
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 electronics
such
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 as
Ipad
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iPad
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,
iphone
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iPhone
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 and any form of tablets that may
poses
Wrong verb form
pose
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 a serious threat
regarding
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to
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 his/her creativity
ang
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and
 mentality
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will
subsequently
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 cause ADHD '
Attension
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Attention
Defect
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Deficit
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 Hyperactivity
Defect
Check wording
Disorder
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 '.
Moreover
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, based on an experimental clinical
traits
Check wording
study
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 done on certain ages of children from 3-9 years old by Oxford University in 2022, showed that children who spent a long period of
time
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 on electronic
devices
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 faced issues with their nervous system activity. Ultimately,
this
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lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 us to understand the original cause.
Furtheremore
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Furthermore
, if the parents take immediate action
to
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against
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 their sons and daughters effectively
while
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 using any sort of
entertainments
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entertainment
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 that might avoid any potential
harms
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harm
show examples
. To explain, mentoring
a
Verb problem
involves a
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clear schedule by hours
according to
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 their free
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time
Punctuation problem
time,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 could enhance their ability
as well as
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 creativity.
For instance
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, my father had established
certain
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a certain
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 amount of
time
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 for my
yongest
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youngest
 sister to use electronics well.
As a result
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,
this
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 method
appear
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appears
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 to be applicable.
To sum up
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, it would appear that using and consuming
alot
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a lot
 of
times
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time
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 on tech
devices
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 without
carful
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careful
show examples
precutions
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precautions
that
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apply
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will
Verb problem
can
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effect
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affect
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 their brains and mentality as well. I feel that by creating guidelines in
term
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terms
show examples
 of
supervion
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supervision
 would contribute sufficiently to avoid any complications.

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planning
Plan what you will write before you start. List your main ideas and the examples you will use.
structure
Make a clear sentence at the start of each paragraph to show its idea.
grammar
Use simple and correct spell and grammar. Proofread for common mistakes.
content
Give real and clear examples that fit the question, not made facts.
conclusion
Close with a short end that restates your view.
stance
Clear view is shown in the attitude to tech use.
content
Some attempt to give examples and to give a plan for time use.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Enhanced learning opportunities
  • Deepen their understanding
  • Confines of the classroom
  • Cognitive development
  • Strategic thinking
  • Reduced face-to-face interaction
  • Hinder social skills development
  • Excessive screen time
  • Physical well-being
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Internet safety
  • Critical thinking
What to do next:
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