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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A glance at the four pie charts provided reveals a comparison of the people of the two countries, Yemen and Italy for the three various age groups in two different Periods, in 2000 and foresight for 2050.

The pie charts illustrate the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of three different age groups in two countries in 2000 and the forecast for 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 aged from 0 to 14
years
Use synonyms
 were the largest
proportion
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 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 in 2000,
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 aged between 15 and 59
years
Use synonyms
 accounted for the largest
proportion
Use synonyms
 in Italy in the same year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there will be a significant change in the percentage of the group aged over 60
years
Use synonyms
 in Italy. Meanwhile,
people
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 aged older than 60
years
Use synonyms
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 show a small increase. Looking at the pie charts more closely, one can see that young adults and adults living in Italy made up 61.6% in 2000 , and it remains the largest
proportion
Use synonyms
 in 2050: 46.2%.The
proportion
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 aged from 15 to 59
years
Use synonyms
 living in
Yemen
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 in 2050 will surpass the percentage of the child group at 57.3% with a 10% rise compared to 2000.
While
Linking Words
 the figure for the elderly remains the
least
Correct word choice
smallest
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 group with a 2% increase compared to 2000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 aged from 0 to 14
years
Use synonyms
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 expected to decline significantly by 13% to 37% by 2050.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, people, years, yemen with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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