IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The two pie charts shows the employment pattern in great Britain in 1992

The two pie charts compare manual and non-manual jobs, between British males and females, in 1992. From an
overall
Linking Words
 view, the
gretaest
Correct your spelling
greatest
 part of both genders attends non-manual
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 have the highest percentage of manual
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. Most part of women perform non-manual
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. Particularly, 31% of them perform clerical or similar
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and 29% managerial and professional jobs. Oppositely, a higher percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 perform managerial
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 36% of total workers, and only 6% of males attend clerical or related professions. Among manual
Use synonyms
works
Replace the word
workers
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, 25% of
men
Use synonyms
attend
Verb problem
are employed in
show examples
 other manual
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 only 3% of women are employed in
this
Linking Words
 setting. Percentages of people employed
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 craft or related jobs,
such
Linking Words
 as general labourers, are quite similar between the two sexes. It can be concluded that in 1992, a great part of British women attended managerial and professional
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
Linking Words
such
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
as
Use synonyms
men
Verb problem
did men
show examples
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 are the most represented among manual professions.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand, such".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words works, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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