IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

vaccinating children against preventable diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous. to what extent do you agree?

Vaccinating
children
Use synonyms
 against preventable diseases is sometimes considered unnecessary or even dangerous by certain groups of people.
While
Linking Words
 it is true that
vaccines
Use synonyms
 may cause minor side effects in rare cases, I strongly disagree with the view that childhood
vaccination
Use synonyms
 is harmful. In my opinion, immunisation is essential for protecting both individual health and public safety. On the one hand, some parents believe
vaccines
Use synonyms
 can be risky, especially for young
children
Use synonyms
. They worry about introducing unfamiliar substances into a child’s body and fear possible adverse reactions. There have been rare instances in which
children
Use synonyms
 experienced allergic responses or temporary discomfort after receiving a vaccine. These cases often receive significant attention and may increase public anxiety.
As a result
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, some parents prefer to avoid
vaccination
Use synonyms
 because they believe the risks outweigh the benefits and wish to protect their
children
Use synonyms
 from potential harm.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the advantages of
vaccination
Use synonyms
 far exceed the possible risks.
Vaccines
Use synonyms
 have played a crucial role in reducing the spread of life-threatening infectious diseases and have saved millions of lives worldwide. Most side effects are mild and temporary,
such
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 as
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 fever or swelling at the injection site,
whereas
Linking Words
 the diseases prevented by
vaccines
Use synonyms
 can cause severe complications or even death.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, widespread immunisation contributes to herd immunity, which protects vulnerable individuals who cannot be vaccinated for medical reasons. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 concerns about vaccine safety exist, the evidence clearly demonstrates that
vaccination
Use synonyms
 is both necessary and beneficial.
Therefore
Linking Words
, immunising
children
Use synonyms
 remains a responsible and vital measure for safeguarding public health.

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content
Your view is clear. Keep a strong line and say why you think vaccines are good for all. Add more facts or real life proof to back up the claim.
structure
Make the plan in the first part. Use more linking words to show how ideas fit together (for example, 'also', 'in addition', 'however').
grammar
Some sentences are long. Use short sentences to show your idea clearly.
strength
Clear view and strong stance on vaccines.
strength
Good intro and clear conclusion.
strength
Use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' shows contrast well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • vaccines
  • get vaccines
  • shots
  • diseases
  • unnecessary
  • dangerous
  • safe
  • risk
  • side effect
  • serious
  • mild
  • rare
  • data
  • evidence
  • study
  • research
  • proof
  • protect
  • health
  • child
  • family
  • community
  • doctor
  • nurse
  • public health
  • school
  • rules
  • duty
  • choice
  • fact
  • reason
  • disagree
  • agree
  • therefore
  • because
  • however
  • but
  • so
  • overall
  • trust
  • explain
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