IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many parts of the world, it is common for one parent to stay at home and raise a new born child while the other works full-time to earn money. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Advan
Use the right word
Advantage
show examples
- great upbringing and more time with
baby
Correct article usage
the baby
show examples
. provides
unlinited
Correct your spelling
unlimited
care
Use synonyms
 and wellness support/ Diadvan- more financial stress on
one
Use synonyms
 person, only
one
Use synonyms
 income
.
Punctuation problem
,
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 managing things
One
Use synonyms
 parent looking after
baby
Correct article usage
the baby
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 and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 earning money has become
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 usual practice in the world.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue that despite the stress of earning money
falls
Wrong verb form
falling
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 on
one
Use synonyms
 individual, the benefits
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as unlimited
care
Use synonyms
 and good
upbringing
Punctuation problem
upbringing,
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 outweigh the drawbacks. Having someone around a
new born
Use the right word
newborn
show examples
 infant plays an important role in their lives. Especially, a mother who ensures they get
breast
Replace the word
breastfed
show examples
 feed
timely
Replace the word
time
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. She will take
care
Use synonyms
 of their every
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
 and movement
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 changing
dipers
Correct your spelling
diapers
, giving them
shower
Correct article usage
a shower
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 and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
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 them
awaay
Correct your spelling
away
 from germs and bacteria.
No
Rephrase
Not
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 only does she supervise
babies
Check wording
babies'
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 activities
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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also
Linking Words
teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
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 good manners and sacraments
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is crucial as they learn quickly in
early
Correct article usage
the early
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stage
Fix the agreement mistake
stages
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 of life.
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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 Child Health Support Department did a survey and found that kids who are
grown
Verb problem
raised
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up
Change preposition
by
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 their parents are more sincere and full of discipline,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
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 others
lacks
Correct subject-verb agreement
lack
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
and
Check wording
qualities and
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 are
brat
Replace the word
bratty
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 and notorious.
However
Linking Words
, it puts
immense
Correct article usage
an immense
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 burden on
husband
Correct article usage
the husband
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 or on
a
Correct article usage
an
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 earning person of the family as he will have to work more. To pay the big bills of groceries and
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 rent and utilities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 other expenses
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 as it will all be managed by
one
Use synonyms
 individual
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can result in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hypertension and
stressful
Correct article usage
a stressful
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 life. It would become quite challenging for him to run the show with
single hand
Replace the word
a single-handed
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 income and may end up withdrawing
his all
Correct word order
all his
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saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, he may compromise with his hobbies and lifestyle
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 no family
dinnner
Correct your spelling
dinner
 and
holidays
Fix the agreement mistake
holiday
show examples
 trips. In conclusion,
one
Use synonyms
individual
Check wording
individual's
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 presence can really give
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 and good values to their child
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can be seen in their
beahviour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
while
Linking Words
 growing up,
while
Linking Words
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 can put more stress on
solely
Correct article usage
a solely
show examples
 working person for the family
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 may suffer through some health issues.

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task
State your view clearly in the opening sentence and keep to it in all paragraphs.
language
Use short, simple sentences. Fix errors in subject and verb to make ideas clear.
content
Add more real examples or facts to back each point.
structure
Follow a clear plan: intro — two body parts — conclusion.
content
Shows a clear idea that care and money are two sides of the issue.
structure
Gives some balance and attempts to compare pros and cons.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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