IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Historical objects should be brought back to their country of origin. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Antiquities are precious
items
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 that carry
a
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apply
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significant importance for a
country
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.It is argued that
such
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 rare
items
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 should be kept in the
country
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 of their creation. I
favor
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favour
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this
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 idea for various reasons
which
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, which
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 will be discussed in
this
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 essay. To
initiate
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begin
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 with, antiques have a certain crucial aspect of history associated with them.As a number of students are fond of learning about the different eras of history,
such
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 antiques would enhance their level of learning.
In other words
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,by keeping these antiques in local museums and display
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centres
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centers
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centers,
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 children would not be bothered by unnecessary trouble linked to
traveling
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travelling
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.In
the
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apply
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the big picture,
moreover
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,
this
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 step would develop their motivation levels to adopt professions like
,
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apply
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historians,
archeologists
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archaeologists
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etc
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, etc
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.
Thus
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,bringing back
such
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items
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 of delicacy to
home
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the home
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country
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 would serve an immense educational purpose.
Furthermore
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,security is another reason these objects should undergo restoration.Since
,
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apply
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these unique objects are worth millions, many
a
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apply
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times, their safety is jeopardised
,
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apply
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 once they are transferred to a foreign
country
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.
That is
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 to say, these
items
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 get stolen by thieves
,
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apply
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 or get lost once they are mobilised internationally.
Hence
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,it is preferable to keep them in the local destination as
,
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apply
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 the authorities would be more capable of safeguarding them.
On the contrary
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,the counterargument states that,
while
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 these objects might have certain advantages which are undeniable ,the money spent on preserving them could be expended on other major issues affecting the countries on the global level,
such
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 as
,
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apply
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unemployment,pollution
etc
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, etc
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.
Therefore
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,the
governments
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government
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 needs to devise an appropriate strategy to curtail
this
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 issue
;
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,
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so
,
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apply
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 that it proves beneficial for everyone. In conclusion,I agree
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such
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that such
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 amenities of historical significance serve a vital educational purpose and must be protected, but that can only be possible if the government finds a viable solution by allocating a certain amount for
this
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 action to be carried out.

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structure
Make a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and keep one main idea per paragraph.
content
Add more specific examples to back up points.
language
Fix small grammar and spelling mistakes and use simple words.
cohesion
Use simple linking words to show how ideas are linked, like also, but, however.
format
Check spacing and punctuation in sentences.
content
Clear stance and purpose are shown in the intro and conclusion.
structure
The essay tries to discuss both sides and ends with a clear view.
content
Some good ideas on education and safety are shown.
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