IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some young people like to copy the behaviour and clothes of famous people today. Why might this be the case? What problems can it cause?

In recent
years
Punctuation problem
years,
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 famous
people
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 are known for
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 work, style and achievements
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
; as
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 a result younger generation
gets
Verb problem
is
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influence
Replace the word
influenced
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 and
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
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 to
copy
Use synonyms
 them.
This
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 essay will examine
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
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 behind
this
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 and
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
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 it can cause. The major reason behind
this
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 is, youngsters make them their
idol
Fix the agreement mistake
idols
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 and get
inspire
Wrong verb form
inspired
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 by them because of which they try to
copy
Use synonyms
 famous
people
Use synonyms
lifestyle
Check wording
apply
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.
For example
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, their way of communication, daily routine, dressing sense, and how they behave.
Moreover
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, another reason is to be in trend so that they can get everyone’s attention .
For instance
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 , when a person gets sudden
fame
Punctuation problem
fame,
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 everyone tries to
copy
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 them to look relevant in other
persons
Check wording
people's
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eye
Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
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. The are multiple problems caused by copying the behaviour and dressing of influential
people
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.
Firstly
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, young individual destroy their own
personality
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 because the same
personality
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 can’t suit everyone
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
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 leads to
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
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 of young
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people
Check wording
people's
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 thinking and
creativity
Punctuation problem
creativity,
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 that what suits them.
Secondly
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, society sees that person as
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a copy
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copy cat
Use the right word
copycat
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 and just to look relevant can
copy
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 someone’s
personality
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.
Lastly
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, all the
people
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 around the world are from different
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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and
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, and
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 each
culture
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 has its own meaning and beauty
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. As
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as a
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result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 many young
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 try to imitate other
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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while
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 forgetting their own and
as a result
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later
Punctuation problem
, later
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on
Punctuation problem
on,
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 it
fires
Verb problem
bites
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 them back. In conclusion, to imitate some famous person can lead to loss of their own
personality
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 and forget about their own
culture
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 and regularly
youngsters
Check wording
youngsters'
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 idol gets changed as they
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
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 in trend

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task response
Plan your essay. Start with a clear view on the topic. Use one idea in each paragraph and finish with a short conclusion.
grammar
Make your sentences clear. Use simple grammar; fix run-on sentences and gaps after punctuation.
coherence
Use simple connectors to show order and links, like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'so'.
structure
Intro and conclusion exist and show plan.
ideas
Some good ideas about why this happens.
coherence
Use of linking words like 'for instance', 'firstly' is seen.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • aspire
  • influenced by
  • lifestyle
  • fashion choices
  • social media
  • visibility
  • accessible
  • desirable
  • followers
  • endorsements
  • marketing campaigns
  • trendsetters
  • peer pressure
  • conformity
  • emulate
  • experiment
  • identity
  • express themselves
  • admire
What to do next:
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