IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some young people like to copy the behaviour and clothes of famous people today. Why might this be the case? What problems can it cause?

In recent
years
Punctuation problem
years,
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 famous
people
Use synonyms
 are known for
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 work, style and achievements
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
; as
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 a result younger generation
gets
Verb problem
is
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influence
Replace the word
influenced
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 and
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
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 to
copy
Use synonyms
 them.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
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 behind
this
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 and
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
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 it can cause. The major reason behind
this
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 is, youngsters make them their
idol
Fix the agreement mistake
idols
show examples
 and get
inspire
Wrong verb form
inspired
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 by them because of which they try to
copy
Use synonyms
 famous
people
Use synonyms
lifestyle
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, their way of communication, daily routine, dressing sense, and how they behave.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another reason is to be in trend so that they can get everyone’s attention .
For instance
Linking Words
 , when a person gets sudden
fame
Punctuation problem
fame,
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 everyone tries to
copy
Use synonyms
 them to look relevant in other
persons
Check wording
people's
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eye
Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
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. The are multiple problems caused by copying the behaviour and dressing of influential
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, young individual destroy their own
personality
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 because the same
personality
Use synonyms
 can’t suit everyone
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 leads to
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
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 of young
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
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 thinking and
creativity
Punctuation problem
creativity,
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 that what suits them.
Secondly
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, society sees that person as
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a copy
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copy cat
Use the right word
copycat
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 and just to look relevant can
copy
Use synonyms
 someone’s
personality
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, all the
people
Use synonyms
 around the world are from different
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 each
culture
Use synonyms
 has its own meaning and beauty
Punctuation problem
. As
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as a
Linking Words
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 many young
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 try to imitate other
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
while
Linking Words
 forgetting their own and
as a result
Linking Words
later
Punctuation problem
, later
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on
Punctuation problem
on,
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 it
fires
Verb problem
bites
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 them back. In conclusion,
to imitate
Wrong verb form
imitating
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some
Correct determiner usage
a
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 famous person can lead to
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of their own
personality
Use synonyms
 and
forget
Wrong verb form
forgetting
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 about their own
culture
Use synonyms
 and regularly
Punctuation problem
, youngsters
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youngsters
Check wording
youngsters'
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idol
Fix the agreement mistake
idols
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gets
Verb problem
apply
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changed
Wrong verb form
change
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 as they
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
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in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 trend.

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planning
Plan your essay first. Write a short plan with the order of ideas before you start.
structure
Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that shows the main point.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas fit together, like and, but, so, because.
examples
Give one clear example for each idea and explain it.
language
Check grammar and keep sentences short. Fix long sentences and study small mistakes.
content
The essay shows both causes and problems.
structure
There is a conclusion at the end.
coherence
Some ideas are easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • aspire
  • influenced by
  • lifestyle
  • fashion choices
  • social media
  • visibility
  • accessible
  • desirable
  • followers
  • endorsements
  • marketing campaigns
  • trendsetters
  • peer pressure
  • conformity
  • emulate
  • experiment
  • identity
  • express themselves
  • admire
What to do next:
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