IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is often argued that
children
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 of all ages should have extra
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responsibilities
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responsibilities,
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while
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 others believe that outside of school
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children
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, children
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 should be free to enjoy their lives.
This
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 essay will discuss both
perspective
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perspectives
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 before giving my own opinion. On the one hand, some people believe that
children
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 of every
ages
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age
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 should have slightly more
responsibilities
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.The main reason for
this
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 is that when from the young
age
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 or any other
age
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 if
children
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 helps their parents in cleaning the house or other household work like removing grass from garden so as they grow it becomes there habit to help their parents because there is too much burden on them so as
children
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 grow they can handle more
responsibilities
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 because from the young
age
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 they have become habitual.
Therefore
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, having extra
responsibilities
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 helps both parents and
children
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.
However
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, others believe that, outside of school ,
children
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 should have
freedom
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the freedom
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that
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apply
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they
can
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apply
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enjoy
there
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their
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 free time.
This
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 is because the school work and homework responsibility puts
huge
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a huge
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 burden on them
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as
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, as
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 a
result
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result,
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 they need to go outside with their friends or alone to enjoy free time
like
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, like
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 playing cricket, football
or
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, or
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 make new friends and share their ideas with them
which
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, which
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 helps to relax their mind. Personally, I believe that
children
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from
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of
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 every
age
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needs
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need
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 to take different types of
responsibilities
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 because it helps them to handle pressure and extra work if it is given at small
age
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 or
at
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in
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 office life .
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Moreover
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Moreover,
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 it makes them ready for their practical life. In conclusion , the second view about the freedom to enjoy life is
also
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 good
but
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, but
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 from my
perspective
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perspective,
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 I will always choose
responsibilities
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 over enjoyment

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task response
Your essay has a clear frame: intro, body, and ending. To raise the score, add a clear topic sentence in each paragraph and give one or two real examples to back up your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words to join ideas more smoothly. Some long sentences break the flow. Break long sentences into shorter ones to improve flow.
structure
Clear frame with intro, body, and ending.
content
The writer takes a view and notes both sides.
cohesion
Use of linking phrases like On the one hand, However, In conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra responsibilities
  • develop skills
  • life lessons
  • work ethic
  • sense of responsibility
  • contribute to
  • family
  • community
  • playtime
  • physical development
  • mental development
  • balance
  • enjoyment
  • guide
  • childhood
What to do next:
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