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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It has become a debatable topic whether
students
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 should focus on academic
subjects
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 only or
also
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study
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 additional
subjects
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. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both the views
along with
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 my own opinion on
this
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 view. On the one hand, people suggest that
students
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 should learn other
subjects
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 not related to their majors, like sports and arts, because it not only helps them to learn many development skills ,
such
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 as cooperation, teamwork, etc, that are mandatory to achieve success after graduation , but
also
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 allows them to master skills that may help them to earn money
while
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 struggling. When
students
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 participate in physical activities or games, they learn to work in groups or teams by sharing responsibilities and helping each other.
whereas
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subjects
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 like painting, drawing
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can be utilised to earn money.
For example
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,
while
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 pursuing a Pharmacy degree, I learn operating an espresso machine , which helped me find a part-time job in a coffee shop , and I paid all my expenses through
this
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 job
while
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 studying.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that there are fewer chances of failing in exams if
students
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 give their full time to
study
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 the main
subjects
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. Studying additional
subjects
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 can put extra stress on learners, resulting in burnout and loss of interest in
study
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 , which can lead to poor academic performance.
Moreover
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, it is difficult to give equal time to other
subjects
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 apart from the main
subjects
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.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the survey conducted at the University of Toronto, it has been seen that
students
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 who were participating in other
subjects
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in addition
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 to their main
subjects
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 performed poorly in exams as compared to
students
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 who were concentrating only on academic
subjects
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.
To conclude
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,
while
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 learning additional
subjects
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 may teach
students
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 skills like collaboration, teamwork and make them capable of earning during
study
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 but it can negatively impact their academic performance.

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task response
Task response: Make your view clear and give a direct statement of your own view in the introduction or conclusion. Build your argument around one clear idea per paragraph and support with simple examples.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use clear topic sentences and connect ideas with simple linking words. Keep tense and grammar steady. Break long ideas into short sentences.
structure
The essay has a clear plan with introduction, body and conclusion.
content
It shows an attempt to compare views and to give a personal view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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