IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Government investment in the art, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate about the investments by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments in
art
Use synonyms
.
While
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 it is commonly held that these kinds of investments are a waste of money ,
instead
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, the authorities should spend money on services. In my opinion, I consider that a plan for developing the county.
This
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 essay will explain why I oppose
this
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 perspective. The primary reason for my opinion is that when the government
is focusing
Wrong verb form
focuses
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 on the
art
Use synonyms
 and entertainment facilities,
this
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 will help
to
Verb problem
apply
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boost economic growth.
For example
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, the Louvre Museum in Paris, millions of people travel to France just to look at the famous paintings there.
This
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 shows that
art
Use synonyms
 can improve the tourism sector of the country. If some people feel it is a waste of money,
this
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 is outweighed by the long-term benefits of developing
this
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 sector. Another key argument is to improve the living standards and life quality for local people. In many countries, they invest in music concerts and movies because they know it is a source of reducing stress after a long day of work, which
also
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 leads to enhancing mental health.
This
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 demonstrates that it helps the individuals' growth. In conclusion, despite
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 having different views. I firmly disagree that investing in
art
Use synonyms
 is a waste of
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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. because it can grow the county's economy and income, and
also
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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helps to enhance the individual's life quality.

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task-response
Make a clear position in the introduction and keep it the same in all the essay.
coherence
Add one strong, clear example for each main idea and show how it supports your view.
grammar
Fix grammar errors so the text is easy to read. Watch article use, prepositions, and plural form.
lexical
Use plain and exact words. Do not use long or hard words when you can say with few.
structure
End with a short, clear conclusion that restates your view and sums up the main points.
content
Good use of an example (Louvre) to show how art can help tourism.
structure
The essay has a clear plan with intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
content
It connects art with life and mood, not just money.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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